


The Miserable Ones

by Tamatoa_SHINee



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Domestic Violence, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 19:24:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17883752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamatoa_SHINee/pseuds/Tamatoa_SHINee
Summary: Jinki returns to his hometown to spend quality time with his family and "clear his mind".  After 10 years he's able to meet up with his childhood friend, Jonghyun.  They'd grown apart overtime but quickly fall back into their old pattern.. only Jinki knows Jonghyun is hiding something from him.





	1. What's Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Warning! Hard, foul language
> 
> Possible Trigger Warning: Abuse Mentioned, Name Calling, Derogatory terms, and Homophobic slurs!

"C'mon you fucking asshole.. budge!"

Jinki smirked at the struggling boy. This really was too easy.

"I need to win this! Why are you so fucking strong?!" 

The veins in Jonghyun's neck were starting to show from his strain. Jinki's bicep was becoming a little sore, but honestly he could keep this up for so much longer. Although they were the same age and height, there was enough of a difference between the two middle schoolers weight and stature to make this match unbalanced. Being friends since the younger moved in next door 6 years ago, the boys constantly found ways to compete with one another. Living in a small town didn't make for a very exciting life so all Jinki and Jonghyun had to battle over were board and video games, races, who could hold their breath the longest, who could jump into the lake at the quarry from a taller height, and various other odd competitions. Jonghyun had recently lost their boxing game match and snapped at Jinki's gloating. That's when he offered Jinki the chance to be named the 'superior being' if they did one final match.. a match to put an end to the question of who was better. A simple arm wrestling competition. He figured he'd have the upper hand giving all of the physical activities he does and endures daily, boy was he wrong. Jonghyun severely underestimated the older boy's strength.

"What the fuck Jinki? I've never seen you exercise a day in you life!" Jonghyun dragged as he pushed harder. He was becoming even more upset at Jinki's laughter.

"Okay.. you've suffered enough." Jinki pushed harder and his best friend's arm slowly made it's way towards the coffee table in his living room. It was like everything happened in slow motion as the other's eyes widened when he realized he hadn't been battling a Jinki at full-strength.

"Mother fucker." Jonghyun said shocked as he stared at his prone forearm. He looked back at his best friend's dumb face. "You duped me."

Jinki simply shrugged and picked up the game controller. "Wanna play another round before you head home?"

Jonghyun's mouth was still agape as he furrowed his brows. "No. I'm OBVIOUSLY not in my element today. I'd rather get my ass physically whooped at home than suffer through another loss from you." He joked. It was easy to make light of his situation next door, he'd figured that was a better coping mechanism than shutting down and internalizing it. Him joking and talking about his abuse out loud was his only outlet. It's not as if no one in their small town knew about it, because they did.. they just didn't care to do anything to help him.

Jinki shook his head, he hated when Jonghyun passed off his parents hitting him as a joke. He was constantly thinking of ways to make the other stay over longer so he didn't have to go home. Sometimes the beatings were so bad he could hear the cries from next door. Even on quiet nights, Jonghyun's screaming echoed through his mind keeping him from sleep. "Well I just won our 'final competition' so as your SUPERIOR overlord I ORDER you to grab that controller.. choose your fighter.. and prepare to BE D E M O L I S H E D!"

The fake evil chuckling the other did ticked Jonghyun off even more but he knew when he was had and right now.. he was had. Jonghyun sighed as he picked up the controller. "Yes sir." he squeaked in a fake scared voice. Even when he lost he always had fun with Jinki, spending time with his best friend was the best thing in his whole world. That's why staying out later than his parents ordered was worth the punishment at home.

Jinki's adolescent brain thought he was doing a good thing by keeping Jonghyun from home longer. He had no idea what it really meant for the other every time he walked into his house even a few minutes past curfew. How was he supposed to know when Jonghyun withheld so much. 

 

Thinking back on it, all those secrets are what caused them to drift apart.

.  
.  
.

Jinki turned on his side. He was laying down in his childhood bed. The room would be pitch black if not for the moonlight shining through the open window. That memory was nearly 15 years old, he wondered why it popped up now. He supposed it was easy to think of random things as he lay restless in this familiar space. Even the most painful thoughts were a welcome distraction from the number one thing he didn't want to think about. He looked at the hand resting near his head. The ring on the fourth finger twinkled under the moonlight. He sighed and pushed the hand under the pillow beneath his head.

'... come back to me my love.'

Jinki shook away the voice in his head. He didn't want to think about her right now. His wife. His Jiho. Every time he tried to close his eyes he saw her sad ones. He just wanted to go back and fix everything, but he had to give it time. Jinki sighed and threw the covers off, hopping out of bed. He made his way over to the window and looked up at the moon. It was so quiet, nothing compared to the city. Here, nearly every star in the sky was visible. He could hear no blaring car horns or sounds of nightlife, only the quiet chirping of cicadas or occasional hoot of an owl. Jinki's old room sat on the second floor of his parents house. From his window he could see most of his neighborhood, not that that was saying much with its total of twenty-something houses. The closest home was one just as familiar to him as his own. Jinki looked down at the one-story home next door. The Kim's no longer stayed there according to his parents. That fact was cemented to Jinki by the dog house in the backyard. He recalled how much his old friend had yearned for a pet and how upset he was every time he spoke of his parents aversion to the idea. The basement window looked as dark as ever as Jinki stared down at it. That used to be Jonghyun's room. How many times had he stood in this very spot flashing his light to that window as he and Jonghyun practiced Morse code? 

Jinki chuckled out loud as he recalled how they never fully mastered it and instead took to flipping each other off every time they spotted one another from their rooms. It's been 11 years since he's seen his childhood friend. A lot has happened during that time but Jinki can't say he didn't think about Jonghyun at all throughout the years. He found himself at random times wondering what had become of him. In fact, that same thought crossed his mind at this very moment. Jinki stepped away from the window and made his way over to his bed, making a note to look into just that. While he was back in town, Jinki surmised it would definitely give him peace of mind to find out about Jonghyun. He sat on the side of the bed twisting the ring on his finger around and around. He balled up his left hand and clutched it against his chest before laying back against the mattress. Sleep came easier this time around as Jinki was able to fall as soon as his eyes closed.

 

"Heavens Jinki!" Mrs. Lee exclaimed as she bristled across her son's room. "You never change do you?"

Jinki squinted his eyes open trying to adjust to the morning light. He looked over to his mother annoyed at the loud wakeup.

Mrs. Lee hastily shut the open window. "You did this every night, even in the winter you left the window open! You'd think an adult who pays bills would understand.."

Jinki put the pillow over his head drowning out the rest of his mother's words. Even the fact he hadn't seen her in person in two years didn't halt her nagging. He felt the pillow being ripped out of his arms and looked up to his mother. Her expression showed annoyance before she slowly smiled and sat on the side of his bed. 

Mrs. Lee brought her hand to his face and softly cooed, "So handsome, My love." Jinki's smile at her words made Mrs. Lee feel like the luckiest woman in the world. "My perfect son."

The man on the bed turned away in a playful pout, "Far from it."

Mrs. Lee patted his butt as she stood from the bed, "To me you are."

Jinki hugged his pillow and smiled as he watched her exit the room. She was forgiven for his rude awakening.

 

Jinki jogged downstairs. After being forced out of sleep that morning, Jinki's first thought was about his plan he made lastnight. He was stopped by his mother's voice as he reached for his keys.

"Jinki? Where are you off to so early?"

"I'm heading into town to look around."

"So soon? You just arrived last night. We are having breakfast."

'We', that meant his father was awake as well. Jinki hadn't seen him when he got in last night and he hadn't spoken to him since he was here two years ago. They didn't have a terrible relationship, it's just Mr. Lee wasn't always the easiest person to get along with. Jinki sighed and pocketed his keys, turning from the front entrance and heading towards the kitchen. "Dad." he greeted the man at the table reading the morning paper. He was answered with a hard grunt. Jinki smiled tightly, 'same-ole dad' he thought.

Jinki sat across from his father as his mother fixed him a plate and sat it in front of him. He was happy to answer any and every one of his mother's questions until she of course pushed it.

"Not that I'm not happy you're here, but what exactly did you and Jiho fight about for you to drive hours away back home?"

Jinki slowly placed his fork down. ".. I told you mother, it's private."

"You're not separating are you?"

Jinki sighed and stood up to dump the rest of his food in the waste bin. As he put the dish in the sink he answered her. "No mother, we're not. I'm here to work on some things alright." Jinki stopped his eyes from rolling as his mother, always one to pry, continued to speak.

"What did you do Jinki?"

Jinki blinked rapidly as his eyes started to burn. He didn't want to think about the pain he caused Jiho right now. He shook his head left the kitchen. He didn't know what irritated him more, his mother's prying or the fact that his father didn't once put the paper down to speak to him.

 

"Well I'll be.." Jinki smiled at the old mans voice. "If it isn't little Lee Jin Ki. Only.. not so little any more." the old clerk stated as said man walked through the store entrance.

"Mr. Seo." the younger greeted.

"I believe this is the first I'm seeing you since you graduated."

"Yes, sorry about that." Jinki replied sheepishly. "Whenever I came back home to visit I rarely left my parents place."

"Well what brings you around after so long? I imagine it's not to see my old mug."

"I'm glad you asked. Mr. Seo.. you remember your old employee correct? Jonghyun." Jinki felt uneasy as the old man's smile dropped and expression turned serious.

"How could I forget? He worked here for nine years." Jinki's eyes widened, NINE YEARS? That meant Jonghyun stayed at this job until he was 24 years old.

"It's been a while since he quit then." Jinki thought out loud.

"He didn't quit. He was.. let go."

Jinki was about to apologize for assuming but the look of disgust on the old man's face made him curious. "What for?"

Mr. Seo cleared his throat and looked around before speaking quietly at Jinki. "Look son, you left quite some time ago. I know you were close with the boy, but not too long ago he changed. Started being a certain way we don't tolerate around here."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"You're better off not knowing. It's best not to associate with those types of people. Unless.."

Jinki's eyes squinted and he cocked his head to the side. "Unless what?"

"Unless you knew he was like that."

"Mr. Seo, honestly I'm completely lost sir. No offense but you're beating around the bush. I'm just trying to locate an old friend and don't have time for games. Do you or do you not know where Jonghyun is?" Jinki felt his temper rise as the other continued to scrutinize him.

"I'm warning you son, you know how fast rumors of scandal spread in this town and that boy's swarming in them." After watching Jinki's eyebrows furrow, Mr. Seo sighed. "Last I heard he was staying at the trailer park."

"Thank you." Jinki said emotionlessly as he heatedly left the convenience store.

 

Jinki dragged his feet as he walked through the grocery store. The trailer park turned out to be a dead end. The landlord told him Jonghyun moved out a couple years back. With nothing else, the trail was cold. No other leads on his old friends whereabouts. He guessed he could ask every person in this trash town but he literally hated everyone here. He laughed bitterly at the thought and checked his phone when another notification sounded. "And butter please." he read out loud. He was in the town grocery store because his mom had texted him to get eggs.. apparently she had already forgotten how Jinki was upset with her. He rolled his eyes at how annoying it was that he couldn't stay mad at his mother.. especially when she texted him with a million heart emojis, he felt like such a sucker.

Jinki grabbed one of the baskets from a station at the end of the aisle, he might as well get a few snacks for his restless nights while he was here. After walking around for a bit he looked into the basket and double checked that he had the eggs and butter. He was about to leave when he stopped and wondered if he wanted something spicy or sour. 'Sour' he nodded to himself and scurried back to the candy aisle. There were already a few people there. Two kids begging their mom and another person completely covered. Jinki would've normally ignored them, but this person seemed really suspicious. They were dressed almost as if they were about to rob this place. Jinki quickly shook his head at that thought. Only an idiot would hold-up a grocery store, if anything this person was going to shoplift. If that was the case.. Jinki really didn't care. He walked further into the aisle scanning the sour candies as the mom and her kids left. Out of reflex he turned to smile at the remaining person. Since he was a bit closer he was able to see a little of the face hidden behind the face mask. It was a man.. the eyes.. it was- "Jonghyun?"

The smaller man shot his eyes from the chocolate bars to the person at his side. He was alarmed because people here rarely spoke to him anymore. His heart was already pounding at the thought of someone not ignoring him, he was sure it might've burst out of his chest when he recognized who had called him. He couldn't even try to form a response as he stared, wide-eyed, at his childhood friend.

"Jonghyun? It's you right?"

Jonghyun shakily brought a hand to the side of his face mask and pulled it, letting it expose his face and hang off his right ear. "Jinki." he spoke softly.

The taller man's eyes watched as the other's lips formed his name. There was a purple colored cut on the bottom one that Jinki noticed. He looked back to the other's eyes. "I've been looking for you all day." he laughed.

Jonghyun pursed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"I don't know really. I just got back into town last night and I made it a plan to see how you've been."

'11 years later' Jonghyun thought. His mood dropped but he tried to keep his smile. "Well.. here I am."

"Yeah."

"I'm good too."

Jinki's smile wavered at the atmosphere change. "Cool." It was so awkward. The two stared at each other waiting. Jinki knew he had so much to say and he hated his brain for not producing anything right now.

Jonghyun looked back to the shelf and grabbed the first candy bar he saw. "Well. I guess I'll see you around then." he quickly uttered as he turned to leave the aisle.

"Wait." Jinki didn't let him get the chance. "Can I have your number? I'd like to catch up, honestly."

Jonghyun's eyes lowered in thought, "I don't have a phone."

"Well, address then?"

Jonghyun looked at the other and smiled sadly, "I'm sorry Jinki." he shook his head.

Jinki nodded, this situation- Jonghyun cutting him off- it wasn't new. "Well, you know where I am." he watched as the other didn't spare him a second glance before turning away.

.  
.  
.

"I can't fail this class Mrs. Lin! My gpa can't take it." Jonghyun was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry Jonghyun. You've fallen asleep several times. Missed too many assignments."

"It's because of work. I help pay bills ma'am. I've taken extra shifts, I didn't mean to do it. Please."

"I understand Mr. Kim, but even acing the semester test wont help."

"Can't you offer extra credit? Please." He was full on crying right now. He had always joked to Jinki that the other would move off to a big city while he was stuck in this trash town, but in all honesty that was his biggest fear. He didn't care if he moved to another small town, he just wanted to get away from here- from his parents. He was breaching on hysterics when he heard his teacher sigh.

"Don't tell anyone. I want a 4-paged report on one of your assigned reading texts. It has to be well done."

"Yes Mrs. Lin-"

"And I mean 'well done' Jonghyun."

"Yes, of course Mrs. Lin."

"That should bring you to at least a passing grade, but for the remainder of our class I don't want to see your head down once." the student nodded vigorously. "I catch you so much as space out one time and there goes your chance."

"Yes ma'am."

 

Jonghyun sat at the desk in his room. He could barely concentrate on writing his extra credit paper because of the party next door. He hadn't spoken to Jinki in months but he could hear all the way from his room the shouts and cheers of congratulations at the other being accepted into a major college. Jonghyun felt a little proud for his old friend, but more so sad and mostly envious. Why did everything have to be so hard? He briefly smiled at the thought that if he hadn't pushed Jinki away he could probably get the other to write this paper for him. Jonghyun looked through his window to the house above and sighed. The flashing lights and shouts let him know just how much fun they were having. The silence in his house was usually welcomed, it meant his parents weren't paying him any mind. Tonight, however, it only made him feel lonely. He stood at his desk and pulled the curtains shut.  
.  
.  
.  
Jonghyun stood outside of his house and put out his cigarette. Why was the thinking about that now? Stupid Jinki. He hadn't thought about his past or the older man in forever. It's been over a decade. Why did Jinki finally decide to show up now? "Why now?" he jumped slightly as strong arms enveloped him from behind.

"Talking to yourself again?"

Jonghyun craned his neck to look over his shoulder at his boyfriend. He nodded childishly.

"Cooky." Eric stated at his kissed the small man's forehead.

.  
.  
.  
"You have fun in town this morning?" His mother smiled as she placed the plate of cookies on the coffee table in front of Jinki.

"Not really." he replied, grabbing one.

"What did you do?"

"I tried looking for someone." he said lamely as he watched his mother sit next to his father on the sofa. Jinki sat in the arm chair as the t.v. played a black and white movie in their living room.

"Who dear?" Mrs. Lee smiled.

"Jonghyun." Jinki, who was reaching for another cookie, only noticed his parents odd look to each other once he sat back up. "What?" he asked while he chewed.

"You're old.. friend?" His mother stuttered.

"Yes."

"The fag?" his father chimed in.

Mrs. Lee's exclamation of 'Sang-Ho!' was overshadowed by Jinki's "excuse me."

"You heard what I said." Mr. Lee stated still looking at the t.v. screen.

"I don't think I did. What did you just call him?"

"what 'fag', 'homo', 'abomination'.. pick one Jinki. He's all and more."

"What the hell are you talking about old man?"

"Jinki!" Mrs. Lee shouted.

"Watch your language while you're staying in my house son."

"I'm here visiting you both dad, I don't have to stay in this fucking house. I'd gladly get a hotel."

"Jinki please, now let's not be hasty." Mrs. Lee pleaded. She turned to her husband, "Sang-Ho stop it. Just because Jonghyun is.. the way he is, doesn't mean he's not Jinki's friend."

"No son of mine with have a 'friend' like that."

This was the first he's heard about Jonghyun being gay, so Jinki really didn't believe it. That being said, he'd be damned if he let his father sit here and belittle him- straight or not. "I'm 27 years old, if I let my parents choose my friends then that makes for a sorry ass life."

"Did you already know? Is that why you're here son, instead of with your wife. You missed your little boy toy?" Mr. Lee sneered.

Jinki couldn't take it any more. He was never a violent person and Jonghyun may or may not be his friend still, but his father needed to be knocked down a peg or two. Jinki stood abruptly enjoying the slight flinch of his father a little too much. That moment didn't last long as his mother quickly stood in front of him trying to calm him down. 

"Jinki please. This isn't like you. Your father is going through a hard time right now, he has no filter."

The younger rolled his eyes, excuses-excuses, that's all his mother ever did for his father was make excuses. Jinki turned from her arms and walked upstairs. When he returned with his bag the tried not to cave at his mother's whimper.

"Son. Please, it's been so long since we've seen each other."

Jinki stopped by his mother and kissed her forehead. "I'm just getting a hotel, I'll stay in town for the rest of my stay. I just can't be here right now. I came to clear my head and he-" he barely spared a glance to his father, "I'll see you tomorrow mother." Mrs. Lee's grip on his hand lasted until he was too far to reach and exited the house.  
.  
.  
.  
Jinki sighed as he pulled away from the hotel. He might go back, it was the nicest one in town.. but it didn't have a pool. He drove his rental car to the next one across the street to check if they had one. This one wasn't as chic as the first one he went to, but not at all run down like the other two- he definitely would NOT be visiting either of those.. or any of the motels. Jinki had self-respect.. and money. He parked his car out front and rushed into the hotel. The clerk greeted him with a smile. 

"Evening Sir, are you looking for a room?"

 

"Do you have a pool here?"

The clerk jump in surprise at the interruption. "Unfortunately we do not." She watched as the mans shoulders slumped, "But.. the tubs in our deluxe suites are equipped with built-in jacuzzies." She smiled. 

Jinki deflated at the words, "Thanks any way. Have a good night."

"Oh, alright." the woman at the front desk said defeatedly at the parting mans back.

As Jinki walked back to his car a familiar voice caught his attention. He reflexively hid behind one of the pillars as he looked down the way. Partially hidden in the shadows was his old best friend. Jonghyun was leaning against one of the further pillars of the hotel. There was a cigarette between his fingers, which he put out as someone approached him. Jinki's heart quickened as a tall man exited the hotel and slowly approached Jonghyun. He watched his old friend smile widely.

"Tired baby?" He heard Jonghyun ask. The tall man trudged closer nodding silently before bending and placing his head on Jonghyun's shoulder. Jinki watched the small man reach up and wrap his arms around the other. "Then let's go home."

Jinki turned away from the scene and leaned against the pillar. 'What?!' he thought frantically. Jonghyun was.. 'Since when?!' When Jinki calmed his thoughts, he looked back trying to spot the pair. They probably already left given that he could see no one else outside of the hotel. The hotel that Jonghyun's.. boyfriend worked at. Jinki looked across the street at the nicer hotel before sighing and turning back into the building behind him. He went back to the front desk and booked one of the 'deluxe suites'.

.  
.  
.  
Days passed and Jinki's plan to catch Jonghyun as he dropped his boyfriend off at work failed every morning so far. Jinki sat in his rental in the hotel parking lot and sighed. He had is head pressed against the steering wheel in defeat. Would they really never speak again? He shook his head, starting the car readying to head off and take his mother to breakfast when he was startled by a knock on his window. He looked wide-eyed at the person outside. 

"Are you stalking me?"

Jinki rolled the window down, "What." he said startled. "N- no, no I swear. I have a room here."

Jonghyun put his hand in his hoodie sleeves and backed away. "I'm just messing with you. Why aren't you at your parents?"

"My father and I had a disagreement."

"Oh?" Jonghyun cocked his head. "Poor you." he snipped.

Jinki automatically felt terrible, how dare he talk about a 'disagreement' with his father to someone whose 'disagreement' with his meant a fist across the face. He stomach started to turn until noticed the other's face.. Jonghyun always made that face when he was trying his hardest not to laugh. "Asshole." Jinki shook his head and huffed.

Jonghyun was full on smiling, he was glad the older man was still able to tell when he was messing with him. "I saw the opportunity and I took it."

"Hence the 'asshole' insult." Jinki's statement made the other laugh out loud.

Jonghyun felt light, this was almost like old times. He quickly shook that thought away as it was too soon to tell anything like that. "What'd you fight about."

"Honestly?.. You." The other's brows pursed and Jinki nodded lamely.

"About?"

"..Some rumors." he looked away but heard Jonghyun sigh.

"And the old man called me a mean name?" Jonghyun tried to joke the pain away, but he other didn't seem to fall for it as he glanced up at him with sad eyes. "Don't look at me like that punk. I don't need a pity party, I'm used to the insults by now.. The whole town throws them at me- behind my back and to my face."

"Jonghyun-"

"It's true. But trust me when I say I don't fucking care anymore." He took a ragged inhale to calm himself.

Jinki stared ahead through the windshield for a while, not knowing how to continue. When he heard the other try to make his exit he spoke up. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

Jonghyun looked up at the hotel for a bit then all around him before looking back down at Jinki. "Where?"

Jinki smiled slyly. "Get in."  
.  
.  
.  
Jinki rounded the school building. There he was that jerk. Jonghyun was hanging out with them again, the school's 'outcasts'. He watched the kid with bleached hair, Taemin, puff on a cigarette then pass it to Jonghyun. Jinki felt anger bubble through him and marched right to the group. He clutched the straps of his backpack nervously as he watched Jonghyun slowly look up.

"What?"

Jinki couldn't believe the nerve of this kid. "Can I speak with you?"

"Go ahead." Jonghyun said as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"Alone." Jinki enunciated. Some of the students laughed making Jonghyun smile as he stood up. 

He followed after the older boy and flipped Taemin off when the sophomore made a blowjob gesture with his mouth and hand. When they rounded the side of the building he almost crashed into Jinki's back as the other halted in his steps and turned around. "What is it Jinki?"

"'What is it-' Where have you been? You're never there after I finish my tutoring session. You always used to wait and we'd walk home together."

"Well I can't wait forever Jinki. I've got other things to do."

That statement stumped Jinki. "Well.. I still miss you. What if I skip today's lesson and we go to the arcade."

Jonghyun quickly looked down. He almost caved, this was big.. Jinki never skipped anymore, not since he set his eyes on that big university. Jonghyun shakily brought the cigarette to his lips and shook his head.

"My house then?" Jinki pleaded. He'd suspected it for months now, his bestfriend drifting away from him. He shot the speculation down each time, coming up with different explanations but now he was witnessing it first hand. He could see the other voicing his disinterest and it scared him. "Jjong."

"Not today Jinki." Jonghyun said quietly as he put his cigarette out on the brick building and turned away. His eyes burned from tears he was pushing away. He told Taemin and the other's his eyes were red because he choked on the smoke. He couldn't even bring himself to fake laugh when they joked about him being an amateur.  
.  
.  
.  
"Why here?" Jonghyun looked around their old high school and laughed confusedly. 

"To reminisce.. think about the good times." He haughtily smiled over at the other earning him a laugh.

"You're still such a dork Jinki." They approached one of the benches and sat down. It being the weekend, school wasn't in session, so the two men were the only people on the schoolground. "So, who's the lucky lady?" he asked tilting his head at Jinki's left hand.

The older male looked down and twisted the ring on his finger. "Her name is Jiho." he smiled.

"How long?"

"Five years." Jinki laughed at Jonghyun's whistle. "I know.. long time."

"You got married at 22.. at 22 I was still working at the corner store." Jonghyun joked.

"You can't stop love."

"That's true." He spoke as he looked ahead at the school.

"So.." Jinki dragged out, "who's the fortunate fellow?" Jinki tried his best not to laugh.

"I hate you so much." Jonghyun ducked and shook his head as he laughed.

"So you go it? 'lucky lady' 'fortu-"

"Yes I got it asshole," he laughed, "I'd be an idiot not to."

Jinki gave him a knowing look, "Well.." that earned him a hard punch to his shoulder. He exaggerated how much it hurt by yelling out and clutching it. Jonghyun was laughing, mouth wide as he tried to calm him.

After Jinki finally shut up Jonghyun, hand still on Jinki's shoulder, laid his head there too. It's been 11 years since they last spoke but at the moment it felt like just yesterday. "I missed this."

Jinki reached his arm up and cupped the side of Jonghyun's hand that rested on his shoulder, "Me too."

.  
.  
.

Jinki's vacation back home had spurned the best possible scenario. He had his bestfriend from ages 6-17 back in his life. They had a rocky start and still had a few awkward pauses in their talks, but they were talking at least. They were talking, laughing, and hanging out almost everyday. It became a pattern for Jinki to wake each morning, get ready, wait in his car for Jonghyun to join him, drive somewhere and chat/eat, drive Jjong back to the hotel before Eric- Jonghyun's boyfriend- got off work, go hang with his mom, then return to the hotel for the night. Time passed quickly like that and Jinki never grew bored of it. What did put him off, however, were the occasions when Jonghyun wouldn't show up for the day. Usually the other would just pop up the next day full of apologies but it was different this time. Jinki waited in his rental for the third Jjong-less morning in a row. The other once again didn't show up. Jinki put his car in reverse and as he turned around in his seat to look through the back window he quickly slammed on the breaks. He moved the car into park and watched as Jonghyun walked to the passenger door and opened it, getting in. Jonghyun didn't look at Jinki at all while he closed the door and buckled up.

Jonghyun could feel the others stare on him and sighed before turning to him. He opened his eyes wide at the other. "What?" he quipped.

Jinki didn't even know where to start. He could talk about how he was stood up for three days, he could ask why the other was wearing a thick white turtleneck on a humid day in March, perhaps mention the others snippy tone, but Jinki chose to start with something different when he saw the dark bags under the others eyes. "Are you okay?"

"W- what do you mean?" Jonghyun stuttered.

"You look exhausted."

"Gee thanks. That's what every person wants to hear."

"I mean- you just.. Are you okay Jjong?"

Jonghyun sighed and faced forward once again. "Let's just leave okay. Before I go back home."

At that Jinki put the car into reverse once again and drove off. He had a diner in mind for their meeting today, but seeing how snippy the other was being, he had another destination in mind.

 

"The quarry." Jonghyun looked around them in awe, he looked at the old- always ignored- 'No Swimming' sign and laughed. Jinki walked up next to him on the rock-filled shore.

"You sound astonished. How long has it been since you've been here?"

"Since the last time we came together." Jonghyun laughed to the other.

"You didn't come once since then?!"

Jonghyun looked back at the water and smiled, "I saw no point." He flinched when the other placed his hand around his shoulders. Jinki, thinking he had scared the other with an unexpected touch was fast to apologize. Jonghyun shook his head. "It's not that. I'm just a little sore." he stated as he sat down on the shore.

Jinki stared down at him for a bit before sitting beside him. "Those kickboxing classes are really giving it to you huh?"

"Huh?" Jonghyun honestly felt lost for a bit.

"That's what you told me you take. Remember, when I asked about all of your cuts and bruises.. you said you've been taking Kickboxing to learn self defense."

Jonghyun's eyes widened as it clicked, "Oh.. yeah. It's rough." He laughed half-heartedly looking back to the waters. Another quiet moment passed, this one was heavy however. Jonghyun could feel the other's hard stare on him. He quickly blinked away the tears forming. His lip trembled, why- after all this time- did the other still know him so well?

"Jonghyun." the smaller man lost it at Jinki's soft tone. "There's something I really hope I'm wrong about." Jinki watched the other's trembling mouth and brows. When his bestfriend turned those big, afraid eyes towards him.. he just knew. "Show me." he urged, mouth tight.

Jonghyun knew he was had. He looked away from Jinki to roll up the sleeves of his sweater. He was still looking at the water as he pulled the turtleneck collar down to reveal his neck. When he didn't hear a word, gasp, anything from the other, he looked back to Jinki. Jinki was absolutely shaking in anger. Jonghyun didn't have to imagine how disgusting the large bruises around his throat, wrists, and arms looked.. he was too used to it. When Jinki quickly made to stand Jonghyun grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Jinki don't."

"NO Jonghyun. I was a kid when your mom and dad did this to you. I couldn't do anything then. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not going to sit around and let Eric beat you!"

"I love him!" he gripped tighter "And it may be hard to see past this, but he loves me too!"

Jinki pointed to the hand prints around Jonghyun's neck, "That's not fucking love!"

"That's funny coming from you. The one who always said 'Of course your parents love you Jjong' How is this different?"

"It's not! Like I said I was a kid! I can't let you hurt like this."

"I'm used to it. It's all I know- Love like this." Jonghyun smiled bitterly. When Jinki yanked away from him trying to get up Jonghyun continued. "Jinki, I don't resent you for leaving. I'm happy you got out of this shithole. But I swear to god.. If you do anything to take him away from me- I will hate you. I will fucking hate you Jinki." he seethed through his teeth.

Jinki's eyes turned from angry to hurt at Jonghyun's words. He searched the other's eyes for any sign of a lie, when he found none he sat back defeated. Jonghyun released his grip on Jinki's shirt and sat back as well. "What do you expect me to do then?" he looked up sadly.

"Forgive me." Jonghyun cried. "Forgive me and stay by my side." he looked up teary eyed. "and be my friend again."

Jinki melted at Jonghyun's shaky words and crawled forward. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man and felt tears of his own fall as he responded, "I never stopped."


	2. I Want to Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: M RATED (not for smut lol, idk how to write that) but M just incase for mature language and situations
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse, Depressive Themes

Time seemed to pass quicker now. Jinki and Jonghyun, with fewer secrets between the both of them, seemed to fall into their old habits even more. Jinki was delighted that the other smiled more freely, laughed louder, and felt comfortable enough to not hold back the skin-ship the younger so clearly adored. Jonghyun was so comfortable in fact, he no longer felt the need to cover up so much- a blessing given the rising temperatures outside. That's why Jinki now shifted slightly in his booth seat. The sleeveless shirt the other was wearing showed all the bruises and scars on the smaller man's arms. That sight made Jinki a bit uncomfortable, but older would never let it be known. He was enjoying the other's openness too much. He smiled as Jonghyun walked over to the booth with their drinks.

"What?" Jonghyun asked as he sat across from the other.

"Nothing. I just imagined you tripping and spilling those all over the place." He laughed and winced as that lie caused Jonghyun to kick him from beneath the table.

"From what I remember you were the clumsy one." He teased as he pulled his drink closer to him. "Constantly tripping over absolutely nothing." He beamed as the older man closed his eyes and shot his head away in a fake pout.

"I'll have you know, me falling over everything makes everyone fall for me.

"Oh god-"

"It's part of my charm."

Jonghyun shook his head and smiled. "You're shameless." He grabbed the skinny straw in his drink with his tongue. "It's a little true though.. I guess."

Jinki watched the slick muscle as he responded. "What? That I make everyone fall for me?" His lips quirked up as he watched the other click his tongue and huff.

"No, you idiot. I mean to say your clumsiness in endearing at times. It makes up for the fact that you're a complete scumbag."

Jinki angled his head upwards as he laughed out loud. How could they still be so comfortable insulting each other after so long? He loved it. Looking back to the other, Jonghyun's tongue caught his attention once again as the younger smiled at him teasingly with the muscle between his teeth. "Put that thing back where it belongs before I rip it out." he threatened, pointing at Jonghyun's mouth.

It didn't take too long for Jonghyun to figure out what the older man was referring to. He'd caught Jinki a couple of times within the last few weeks staring at his mouth. At first Jonghyun was a little embarrassed, thinking he'd had something in his teeth, but he calmed once he recalled how he'd been called out before about his overactive tongue. He didn't do it on purpose, but it was funny to see that even his best friend wasn't immune to it's allure. Jonghyun, never one to waste the opportunity to tease Jinki, licked across his upper lip before responding. "Is it too much of a distraction?"

Another new development in their restored relationship was the random moments of blatant flirting. They both were aware of Jinki's heterosexuality and the fact that they were both in relationships, but their fake- sometimes over-the-top flirting- amused both men to no end. "Mr. RobKIMson.. Are you trying to seduce me?" Jinki said, fake worried. "Because if you are.. it's working."

The conversation ended as Jonghyun couldn't stop laughing. While everyone else tended to sigh or shake their heads in disappointment whenever Jinki made a pun, Jonghyun couldn't get enough of them. A large chunk of their childhood together consisted of the younger struggling to breathe after Jinki made one of the worst 'old-man jokes' he could imagine.

Because the smaller man always responded so well- too well at times- Jinki struggled with the thought if the laughter was just for show. But even after all this time, Jonghyun's reaction stayed the same. Jinki shook his head as the other tried to calm himself down, even he knew it wasn't that funny. He stood and leaned his arms on the table. He didn't speak until the younger man caught his breath and looked up at him. "Let's play darts."

Jonghyun cleared his throat, his cheeks hurt from laughing too hard. He honestly did think Jinki was hilarious, but the alcohol must've amplified it a ton. "I've never played."

The older man's eyes and smile widened as he pushed off the table. "Ohh, so I'll remain the superior being after this match as well."

Jonghyun scrunched his face up at the teasing and quickly stood. He faced Jinki staring up at him in a challenge. The short man pulled the straw out of his drink and swiped the glass from the table. After gulping down a few large sips he slammed it down and turned back to Jinki with a large exhale. The alcohol burned, but so did the competitiveness he thought had been long gone. "Don't be so cocky friend. You're about to have your ass handed to you by an amateur."

"First off, you've never seen me naked, but from what women have told me, know that I am very cocky." He watched the other's eyes widen as Jonghyun did his best not to laugh. "As for my ass.. I didn't know it wasn't on me. So if you have it, I'd like it back thank-you-very-much." 

"You're such an idiot." Jonghyun choked out as he turned away and headed towards the darts area.

The bar they were at was close to the hotel Jinki stayed at, both businesses sat in the more urbanized city just outside of their small town. Jinki and Jonghyun used to walk almost 2 hours to come to this place and play at the arcade in the mall. Visiting this city made the two boys long to leave their hometown even more. Even though the two places bordered one another, there was still enough of a difference for Jinki and Jonghyun to want to escape to the bigger one every time they could. As adults with a car, the 2 hour walk was shortened to a 15 minute drive, delighting both individuals immensely.

Jinki went first in their game. He hadn't played darts probably since college, but with Jonghyun being a novice.. he wasn't too worried. They took turns and Jinki was steadily becoming more confident, Jonghyun couldn't even aim correctly. When he saw the other pout while aiming the dart at the board, Jinki sighed. He decided to use this opportunity to do a little coaching- and something else to cheer the other up.

Jonghyun squinted one eye as he moved his hand back-and-forth hoping the dart would go in the direction he wanted this time. He looked over his should in surprise as Jinki's warm body stopped a few inches behind his. He looked up at his raised hand when Jinki took it in his and adjusted it. Jonghyun internally shook his head, what happened to his timid friend of the olden days? Where had Jinki learned to be so.. much? Jinki's face was centimeters away as he was basically chest-to-toe glued to the smaller man's body. Jonghyun stared at Jinki through his lashes as he looked over his shoulder. In middle school they were around the same height, Jinki probably one millimeter- or 20- taller. Now, as adults, Jonghyun was eye level with the others soft nose and fat lips. Not that he never noticed, but with the emergence of their new friendship and all the flirting that came with it, Jonghyun could now see just how attractive Jinki is. 

When Jonghyun's arm holding the dart was adjusted to Jinki's liking, he slid his hand down the smaller man's forearm and stood behind him placing his other hand on Jonghyun's hip. Jinki spoke softly into his ear. "Try throwing it from here." He smirked when removed his lips from Jonghyun's ear and watched it redden.

The smaller man's ear burned and he had to suppress a shiver caused by the soft air from Jinki's mouth. He was determined not to let the other get the best of him. He quickly threw the dart and smirked when it landed on the green near the center. He jumped around and smiled at Jinki. "That's good right?!"

Jinki smiled from the dartboard to his exited friend, surprised that his adjustment actually worked. "Yeah." he huffed, mildly bewildered. 

"Now that I know where to stand, you're going down old man."

What ever response Jinki would've voiced was lost as he was once again distracted by Jonghyun's tongue. The guilty appendage made itself known, perching against the underside of the small man's top teeth as he teased. Still looking at it, Jinki brought his hand up and lightly flicked the bottom of Jonghyun's chin. "I thought I warned you about that thing."

Jonghyun bit his lip to fight his smile. Before he was able to dive back into their flirting, the quick glance he made around the room caused him to clear his throat and take a step back. Even though they were a town over from their homeplace, Jonghyun knew how fast word could travel. How close the two were right now- and in this public place, could be severely misconstrued for what it's not. He wasn't worried about Eric possibly finding out- not mostly at least. Jonghyun's main concern was Jinki being subjected to the harsh words, looks, and actions from the hateful people in their town. Ever since they learned of his sexuality, that's all he ever experienced. It's quieted down some this past year, probably because of his obvious abuse, but the townsfolk found a way to hurt Jonghyun even more- they completely ignored him.

Jinki furrowed his brows as he watched the other's mood fall. Did he go too far and make him uncomfortable? He looked at Jonghyun with questioning eyes and waited for the other to speak up.

"I- We should probably be careful not to catch anyone's attention." Jonghyun muttered. "I wouldn't want any rumors to be spread about you. You know how bigoted people in our town can be."

Jinki slowly smiled as he felt relief. He closed the distance Jonghyun had made during his retreat. "You should know me well enough to know I don't give a fuck about that town."

Jonghyun tried a smile. "I know, that's why you left." Jonghyun sighed at his words. "Wow, that came out way more emo than I intended. I need more of my drink." He turned away from the dartboard and headed back to their booth. After lowering his glass he noticed the other had followed him to their table. The look on Jinki's face was nothing but apologetic.

Jinki stared at the other sadly as he sat down. He waited for Jonghyun to sit before he spoke softly. "It was easier to leave because I thought we'd grown apart."

Jonghyun scooted closer to the center of the semicircle-shaped booth. "We didn't grow apart Jinki," he shook his head slightly, "I pushed you away."

Jinki slowly joined him in the middle. "Why?" he questioned, this was something he always wanted to know.

"It was towards the end of our junior year. I couldn't lie to myself anymore, despite the fact that it was ingrained in me to feel it was wrong, I noticed it.. it was nagging at first- but then it was too loud to ignore. I tried to fight it, but I just couldn't see women how you and others did." Jonghyun covered his face with both hands. All the memories of shame and self-hatred came rushing back. "Once I realized I was gay, I wanted to disappear. I knew that if anyone found out they'd be disgusted. I knew that because I felt disgusting. I didn't want to be friends with you anymore.." he looked at Jinki teary-eyed, " because I didn't want you to hate me like I hated myself."

Jinki brought Jonghyun's head to his shoulder and used his arm to cradle it. Luckily their seat was in a dark corner of the bar away from prying eyes. Not that he was embarrassed to be seen embracing his friend, he didn't feel it was anyone's right to be able to witness this moment.. their moment. "I could never hate you." He pulled away enough to be able to look the other in his eyes. He was hit once again with how strong this man was. Despite what he's been through, it was so rare to see the other cry. Even during their confrontation at the quarry, Jonghyun's only tears were the ones he forced himself not to shed. Jinki's eyes watered, he so dearly wanted to hold some of the weight this man has had to carry his whole life. But, like Jonghyun requested.. all he could do was stay by his side as he fought. "You're my bestfriend."  
.  
.  
.  
Jinki had just picked up Jonghyun for their daily adventure. They were driving around with no place in particular to go. In the past weeks they've already been to most of their old spots. The small town and the city next to it only had so much to do. Perhaps they could go somewhere peaceful and just talk. Jinki gasped at what popped into his mind next. "Jonghyun! The shack!"

"..?"

"By the Kwon's farm?"

Jonghyun turned to him with pursed brows, "Do you think it's still there? I mean.. it was pretty run down when we were kids."

"It can't hurt to find out."

When they arrived, sure enough, the old abandoned shack was still there. Jonghyun and Jinki had come across this place almost 20 years ago during one of their bike races. It was surrounded by forestry and the nearest property was an old couples farm down the way- perfect spot for their old pretend battles and firecracker launchings. Jinki parked the car on the rock-filled path and both men stepped out and walked down the grassy slope to the building.

"God." Jonghyun exclaimed with a grossed out expression. There were who-knows how many spider webs around the place. He and Jinki both choked on the dust-filled air when the latter opened the rickety door. "I'm not walking in any further." he stated at the doorway.

Jinki turned around in the open space, it couldn't have been more than a 10ft by 10ft area. "C'mon. This place is perfectly private for our proposed plans."

Jonghyun looked away with a smile and a huff, "How did I ever become friends with such a dork?" When he locked eyes with the smiling 'dork' he shook his head in defeat. "Lets at least straighten this place up a bit." he pouted.

"We can do more than that." Jinki turned around the room once more, "Let's go get some cleaning supplies and maybe a few blankets."

At Jinki's words, Jonghyun's smile widened and his face completely lit up. "We're almost 30.. Aren't we a little too old for a clubhouse?" He gave Jinki a prissy look. When the other mirrored his expression and the two simply stared at each other, Jonghyun did his best not to laugh. Still facing the older man, Jonghyun moved his eyes over to the side then smiled before quickly exclaiming. "I'll race you to the car." He didn't even let Jinki hear the full sentence before he was running away. He childishly giggled as he heard the older yelling about how much of a cheater he was behind him.

 

"Ahh." Jonghyun comically exhaled as he placed the broom in the corner. "I've forgotten how good it felt to beat you. I love showing just how superior I am over you Jinx." He made a show of stretching while the older man across the room rolled his eyes.

Jinki glared at the pillow he was fluffing and responded, "Oh shut up. You didn't win, we finished at the same time."

"True," Jonghyun said as he lay down on the pallet Jinki had just set up, "but your side is ugly."

Jinki looked around the room. When they came back to the shack from the store with cleaning supplies, a bedding set- and snacks, the two men went straight to work. Always trying to compete with one another, they made a bet of who could clean and organize their designated half of the room the quickest. Okay, so maybe Jinki didn't do the best dusting job of his life.. and perhaps there were still spiderwebs and shards of glass that should've been dealt with, but he was in a rush to finish faster so he didn't care too much about the aesthetics. "The deal was who cleaned 'faster'.. not better, so sorry buddy.. but I believe I won that round."

Jonghyun placed his hands underneath his head and looked over to his companion. "If that's how it's going to be, you can take me home right now." I closed his eyes in fake anger. "I hate cheaters." He lost it when he heard his friend begging for forgiveness and Jjong opened his eyes to see the older bowing over and over again.

 

The morning sky had changed and it was now well past noon. The two men still lay side-by-side on their pallet, staring up at the ceiling of the shack. They'd been speaking for hours. The goal of today was to catch up on everything.

"..Yeah we met on a blind date." Jinki stated as he unconsciously turned the ring on his finger around and around. "I was twenty and even though she was my third girlfriend.. I just knew she was the one."

Jonghyun smiled up at the ceiling. "Then why are you here Jinki? You haven't told me yet.. what happened?"

The older man felt his heart pick up, not now. He couldn't tell anyone just yet, it still was too painful to even think about. He was so sorry- "I just have some things that I have to work out." he felt his eyebrows purse as he reached for more to say, "things that I need to be alone and think about."

"Away from your spouse though? Aren't you hurting her?"

Jinki looked to his right and Jonghyun was already looking at him. Jinki smiled bitterly, "Immensely." He prayed that Jonghyun could read in his eyes he didn't want to continue. He instead decided to change the conversation. "What about you? How did you meet your.. Eric." He looked back up at the ceiling.

Jonghyun watched the other's change in demeanor but he decided not to let it throw him off. "It was almost three years ago. I was still working at the corner store, living with my parents, and no one had found out about my sexuality yet. You'd been gone for 6 years? and I had no one. One night I just went outside and started walking. I walked and walked until I stumbled across a club a few towns over. Getting drunk with strangers seemed like the best thing ever at that moment. But as soon as the drink was placed in front of me, I couldn't. Something kept me from it, I knew it wouldn't numb anything. So I decided to deal with the pain like I always do and head back home- even though my legs felt like they were about to fall off. When I paid for my drink the bartender looked at me funny and asked why I was going to pay if I didn't drink. I told him I simply changed my mind and he said- " Jonghyun's mouth started trembling at the memory, but a smile remained on his face, ".. he said, 'what's a pretty thing like you doing in a dump like this any way?'" Jonghyun felt his eyes watering and his voice became thick. "I was so.. startled. Why was a 'man' saying something like this to me? Didn't he know how others would understand?.. I brushed off the comment, but I stayed and listened to him talk. Whenever he didn't have other customers to assist he'd head back to me and that went on the whole night."

Jinki turned to look at his friend, he could tell the younger man was far off into space as he spoke of his memory.

"When it was closing time, I got up and walked away- I didn't even say goodbye. I finally had my first good occurrence in a long time and I wanted to keep it that way. It was pitch black outside as I walked back home. A car pulled over on the highway and there he was, the bartender.. Eric. He convinced me to let him give me a ride home even though it was a ways away." Jonghyun continued to smile sadly, "The car ride was so quiet. I didn't know what to say to him. He was so handsome and so.. kind." He felt his heart sink at the thought. "When we arrived in town- I was still wary enough not to give him my address- before I got out of the car, I asked him how he knew I was.. gay. He smiled and said he didn't. I thought my heart was going to explode from outing myself but then he placed his hand on top of mine and said, 'but I was hoping you were'. He asked if he could see me again and I said no," Jonghyun laughed, "but I surprised the both of us when I walked to the club a few days later. From then on.. he was nothing but sweet. He was so supportive of my finding myself and accepting who I am." Jonghyun had to take deep breaths in order to continue. He felt Jinki's supportive hand on his and fought to finish. "Everything was well until he got a job and a house nearby. People started to notice us together and judge. My parents paid attention to me again, still hateful only though. They were so embarrassed to have a 'homo' for a son that they moved back to the city I was born. Isn't that funny Jinki? They didn't care that others knew they beat me, but couldn't stand the fact that their piece of garbage son was also a 'fag'."

"Jonghyun." Jinki warned. He could sense the other falling into his self-hate mode.

The younger man took a deep breath and looked into his friends eyes. Jinki's imploring stare calmed him and brought him back.

"Sorry. I just- It sucks you know. I thought even with my parents gone and everyone in town hating me.. the fact that I had Eric and he didn't care about what others thought- man I thought everything was going to be okay. But Eric started to become aggressive at times, with or without drinking. He'd blow up over the smallest things then later apologize. That turned into pushes and shoves whenever I'd do something he didn't like.. then he'd apologize quickly. I always forgave him, but now he doesn't even say sorry. He just hits, scratches, chokes, kicks-" Jonghyun inhaled loudly and raggedly, "and I always forgive."

Jinki felt sick. "Why Jonghyun?" he demanded.

"Because he's all I have- and don't say I have you.. I mean he's all I have in this way. Everyone is disgusted by me, but he accepts me. He tolerates me. If I want love, he's all I can get it from."

Jinki turned on his side and moved closer so that he looked down at Jonghyun. "That is not true." When the other's dark eyes stared up at him, Jinki felt his stomach drop. "You think you two are the only gay people in this world? Leave this forsaken town, leave that damn man, and find happiness Jjong."

"That's easy for you to say. A man who can afford to take months worth of vacation to 'clear his head' you can't tell me how to live when you left your calm home because you were bored."

Jinki knew what the other was doing and he wasn't going to let it happen. Jonghyun always passed his pain off as a joke or reflected it by trying to hurt Jinki. The older man wasn't a kid anymore, he wasn't about to cry and send the insulter home. Now he just wanted to stay and help, no matter what the other said. "This isn't about me Jonghyun. You deserve better."

"I deserve nothing. I am nothing."

"You are everything." Jinki stared down into the other's hard eyes. He couldn't imagine how much the man below him was bottling up and holding in. From his parents to his dreams being pulled away to his warped outlook on love. The younger needed let it go. "Let it out Jonghyun."

His voice shook as he responded. "What are you talking about?"

"You are so strong. I know. I can't imagine what you feel and I know I'll never be able to understand." He watched the other's face scrunch up until he looked almost angry. Jinki would've thought he was if not for his tear-filled eyes. "But I'm here okay? I know I left for a long time, but I'm still your bestfriend and I love you. Please, let me shoulder some of your pain." A tear finally fell down the side of Jonghyun's face, then another- and another until a choked sob bubbled from the younger man's throat. Jinki immediately enveloped him in his arms and pulled them into a sitting position. "That's it." He rubbed Jonghyun's back as the man cried out. "Let it out." The wailing emitted from the smaller man was heart-wrenching and loud. He'd never heard anything like it before, the closest was the screaming he'd hear from the Kim's house some nights- but he's never sounded this sorrowful. Jinki kept silent, even as tears escaped his eyes as well, all he did was hug the other tighter. "I'm right here." he rocked them back and forth trying his best to soothe the other. "I'm right here.

 

Jonghyun and Jinki held hands the whole drive back to the hotel. It was a silent ride, but neither felt the need to speak. Jinki drove with his left hand and smiled at the road ahead. He couldn't believe he had managed to get through to the other, it wasn't perfect but it was a start.

Sitting in the passenger seat, the younger man stared out the side window. Jonghyun felt light headed, from crying a lot and from the many thoughts running through his head. Jinki had told him he deserved better, that he was everything.. Jonghyun couldn't remember ever feeling so important. Aside from his parents, the man driving was the one person he's known the longest. But unlike anyone he's ever known, Jinki has never hurt him- (at least not intentionally) but even when he left this town, Jonghyun felt relief that at least one of them was able to escape. Jonghyun's throat was sore, but that was the only pain he felt at the moment. Jinki had held him, soothed him, and helped him release so much hurt and anger he'd been keeping in. Jonghyun looked away from the window and at his bestfriend. He smiled gratefully then glanced down at their conjoined hands in his lap. 'Jinki is so lovely, Jiho is very lucky to have him.' Jonghyun's smile fell at the thought. What the hell was he thinking? He shook his head and looked back through the window. He'd never forgive himself if he compromised their friendship by trying to see Jinki any other way. The hotel came into view and his stomach dropped. The one thing he'd feared when they left the shack too late came to pass. Waiting outside his workplace for Jonghyun.. was Eric. Jonghyun locked eyes with his boyfriend as Jinki pulled up and let him out.

Jinki was surprised when Jonghyun frantically asked him to let him out before the older got a chance to find a parking spot. When he spotted the bartender staring blankly at his car, he understood. As he walked towards the hotel he was stopped by an unknown voice.

"Jinki? Right?"

Hearing his name, he turned around and stood face to face with Jonghyun's boyfriend. Already feeling his temper bubble, he opted to simply nod instead of say anything. A wide-eyed Jonghyun behind Eric didn't help.

"Nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you." He said as he reached his arm out for Jinki to shake.

Jinki stared at the offending appendage and only grabbed it once he noticed Jonghyun's worried expression. "Same for you." He watched Eric look over his shoulder with a 'Is that so?' Jinki was glad he was no longer shaking the taller man's hand because he had to squeeze his own to calm down.

Eric turned back to his boyfriends 'bestfriend' "Well, Yunnie told me you were in town a few weeks back. I had no idea you two were spending so much time together." He let out a forced laugh.

"Well, we've been catching up on a lot. I've been gone for eleven years." Jinki was really getting annoyed at the other's monotone responses.

"That's too bad. I can't blame you though. I've been in this town for two years now and I'm still surprised as to why anyone would want to stay. And since Yunnie is my only family here, I haven't got many friends. Perhaps we'd hit it off too Jinki. What do you say you come over for dinner one night? My babe's an excellent cook."

Jinki really didn't know what the other was playing at. When he spotted his bestfriend behind Eric with his head down, he internally sighed. ".. Sure. That sounds like a good idea."

"I'll see you then." Eric smiled then turned and grabbed Jonghyun around the shoulders, leading him away. He spoke back to Jinki as they walked, "It was nice meeting you."

Jinki waved and barely tried to keep up his fake smile. He waited until the couple was in their car to go back to his hotel room. 'What an asshole.' he thought.  
.  
.  
.  
Jonghyun bit the pillow harshly as he smashed his face into it. He throatily screamed into the fabric while pulling his hair with both hands. Being rammed into by the man behind him wasn't as enjoyable as it could be, Eric wasn't being gentle today. It was almost amusing how tricked the smaller man felt. They'd started off so slow, he thought it was going to be how it was in the beginning of their relationship. Instead of the timid touches and frantic, but savory kisses Jonghyun longed to feel again, this time took a turn quickly and much like it's been for the last year- was meant for only one participant to enjoy. The pain from the other's harsh hold on his hips and his barely-prepped entrance didn't stop Jonghyun from moaning into his pillow. He couldn't help it, not when he pictured another over him. The image of thicker fingers rubbing up his sides instead of the bony ones digging into them made the small man's eyes roll towards the back of his head. He couldn't help the whimper that escaped lips and his toes curled at the thought of Jinki being able to push even deeper inside of him.

The first time Jonghyun ever imagined Jinki as more than a friend was the night he clutched his hand in the rental car after his meltdown. He may have pushed the thought away quickly, stomach turning at the possibility of ruining their relationship. But his dreams that night consisted of his bestfriend and the happiness he felt with him. Because of those dreams he awoke the next morning with smile on his face, a warmness in his chest, and a giddiness in his gut at how he was about to see him again. Jinki, being the dork Jonghyun adored, was none-the-wiser about his bestfriends changing feelings towards him and Jonghyun didn't mind in the least. All he wanted was to enjoy this new feeling, this happy feeling.. he was okay with that much. So for almost two weeks since, that's what he's done. Kept it in, relished in their closeness, and fantasized like he did now.

Jonghyun felt tears spring to his eyes, the actual man behind and inside him totally forgotten as he fell deeper into his headspace. Goosebumps erupted all across his skin as he pictured Jinki gently kissing all around his back. Jonghyun bit his lip thinking how Jinki would be delicate enough and probably mouth up his protruding spinal bones as he hunched over. He was so close, he could feel it. Jonghyun fantasized even further and his whole body burned, he knew- he just knew Jinki wouldn't let him finish on his knees. He was too sweet- too considerate, Jonghyun pictured how Jinki would turn him on his back so that they locked eyes as they reached their climax together. 'You are everything.'

"Fuuuck." Jonghyun screamed into his pillow as he came untouched all over the mattress beneath him. Reaching his peak, harshly brought him out of his fantasy and into the reality where it was someone else inside his aching entrance. Luckily his spasming muscles post-orgasm caused the other to follow not too far behind. For once he was thankful for Eric not cuddling him afterwards, because now it was easier to slip back into his mind. His body was bruised and sore as he turned on his side and pulled the blankets to his chin, but Jonghyun smiled into the dark. Tomorrow.. he would see Jinki again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: New development...
> 
> I really hate writing the dark, emotional parts.. but they seem to just come out.
> 
> I hope I'm not hurting anyone by this.


	3. Worst Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay.. I was doing alright writing this until the very end. How it was in my head wasn't nearly as terrible as it played out once I wrote it. I don't even know if I should post it, but I don't know what else to do since I've already started. That's why I URGE you to read this warning. 
> 
> If you still want to read on I will make the section I'm referring to start after a sign like this "###” so that you can skip over it. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Depressive themes, Physical Abuse, and Violence
> 
> \- Please do not read if this is a problem for you

"So you've seen a smartphone before right?"

"I've seen one before, I've just never used one." Jonghyun replied as he settled back closer onto Jinki's chest. They were at the quarry again, sitting on a picnic blanket looking towards the water. Jonghyun isn't sure how long they've been in this position, with him seated between Jinki's legs and his back pressed against the older man's front, but he's not complaining either. Jinki had taken out his phone and started showing Jonghyun everything about the device. Jonghyun wasn't sure if he was more interested in the phone or the fact that Jinki's arms were surrounding him, the left supporting his middle and the right holding the smartphone in front of them both. Jonghyun didn't dare turn his head to the right, Jinki's sat on his shoulder and they were so close Jonghyun was able to lean his cheek against the side his bestfriends forehead.

"Although they're called 'smartphones' and they are intricately built, they are made so that the user has easy access to almost anything and everything. Once you know the basics, using this supercomputer is quite simple really. Plus, there are so many apps you can download to keep you entertained." Jinki swiped screens until he found his drawing app and opened it. Once it was loaded he used his thumb to spell out on the screen 'See?'

Jonghyun laughed and when Jinki pushed the screen closer to him he brought up his left hand and drew a smiley-face under the words. He felt Jinki's chest jump from behind him as the older let out a quick huff of laughter. "Okay, that's pretty cool." Jonghyun stated as he tried to suppress his giddy smirk.

"Cuute." Jinki teased at the smaller man's expression. It was even funnier when the tips of Jonghyun's ears reddened.

"Shut up." The younger pouted as he ducked his head low enough to hide but still be able to see the phone.

Jinki let the smaller man hold the device in both hands while he dropped his left to Jonghyun's knee by his. He wasn't at all bothered by this high-level of skin ship, it was quite comfortable and comforting to sit like this. With his chin perched on Jonghyun's shoulder he looked on as the other continued to play on the phone. "Oh! Here, I'll show you everyone." Jinki brought his hand up and used his finger to swipe across the screen of the smartphone in Jjong's hands. He opened his social media account and started scrolling down his homepage. "Alright so this is.. my neighbor Mari and her grandson Benji."

"He's cute."

"Yeah, I've babysat him a few times. This is a photo from when his little league baseball team won the regional championship."

"That's nice, you seem to be close with them."

"Mmm." Jinki hummed as he continued to scroll down his feed. "Oh.. These are a few of my coworkers." Jinki pointed to them as he spoke their names, "There's Li, Tim, Hoon, Sang-Min, and.." he glowered, ".. Marcus." 

Jonghyun looked over his shoulder at the other when he heard his tone. Jinki looked annoyed.

"He's in my department, he's competition.. and he's a total douche." He looked at Jonghyun and playfully ordered, "We avoid Marcus," Jinki tried to suppress his smile as Jjong quickly played along and nodded his head, "We don't like Marcus."

"Shall I make a voodoo doll of him?" Jonghyun smiled as Jinki looked towards the water in contemplation.

"Uuuum." He looked back at Jonghyun. "Yes." Jinki turned back to his phone and smiled at the smaller man's laughter. "Oh! This is Kibum and this is Minho."

The fond smile on his bestfriends face made Jonghyun curious and he quickly held the phone up higher so they could see better. On the screen was a photo of two very good looking men. The taller one was behind the other, putting him in a loose chokehold. The man in front didn't seem to be too bothered seeing as he was smiling ear to ear.

"They're my bestfriends." Jinki was smiling until he finished that sentence. "I mean.. some of my closest friends."

Jonghyun shrugged, the words made him a little uncomfortable but he couldn't blame Jinki for having other bestfriends. "It's alright. It's been eleven years.. It's not like I expected you to only have me, trust me Jinki. I'm okay, I'm happy for you."

Jinki smiled and dropped his left hand to join his other. He hugged Jonghyun's middle tightly. "Your words are saying one thing but your face is saying another." He teased. "You are my bestfriend, I promise. Eleven years or not.. speaking or not.. It hasn't changed. Regardless of our relationships with others, I'm right here. You're right here. And we're okay, right?"

Jonghyun stared at the photo on the screen, but he saw nothing. He only felt Jinki holding him and he leaned into the touch. He felt so complete with Jinki here. "Okay." This time it was Jonghyun who scrolled down. The next photo was of the same two men and it looked to be taken in the same spot as the last. Everything was the same except for the pose. This time the taller man had his arm slung around the other. The feline-eyed, shorter man had his arm wrapped around the other's middle as they posed for the picture. "They seem.. close." Jonghyun turned at Jinki's abrupt laughter.

"I should say so, they are married."

Jonghyun looked back at the photo. Now that he knew their relationship status, it was easier to see how comfortably they held each other. "Married?"

"Yeah, around 4 years ago in France. Kibum wanted the best wedding and Minho gave it to him. In my opinion it was a little much, but that's Key for you."

'Married'.. two men. Jonghyun had heard of it's legality spreading across the world, but it still seemed so far from him. They look so.. happy. "Is this why you weren't so shocked- or grossed out- when you found out I was gay?"

"I wasn't against it, I was just surprised that I didn't know. I've known you forever and finding out from anyone that wasn't you.. that's what I didn't like."

"I'm sorry I never told you, but I was scared when I found out myself." With Jinki's secure arms around him, he didn't feel scared or ashamed anymore. Jonghyun continued to scroll until he saw his bestfriends famous smile. The one large enough to power a city. Jinki's right arm was stretched forward, most likely holding the camera to take the photo, while his left was slung around the neck of a woman. Their faces were pushed together as they cheesed at the camera. Jonghyun's heart quickened. Had he ever seen Jinki this elated? The woman was stunning. Jonghyun felt the man behind him still and quiet down. That reaction confirmed to Jonghyun who this woman was. "Jiho." He said as more of a statement than a question.

"Mm." Jinki stared at the photo. He hadn't seen his wife since he left all those weeks ago. He hasn't spoken to her, heard her voice.. Jinki's chest hurt.

"You're lucky, she's very pretty."

"Yeah." Saying that much was a struggle. Jinki carefully took the phone out of Jonghyun's hands and brought it forward. This wasn't taken too long ago, but they seemed so happy. This was before- He pressed the power button do darken the screen. "Y'know, it's pretty hot. Lets go for a swim." Jinki untangled himself from the man in front of him and stood up. He dropped his phone onto the picnic quilt and started to undress.

"Jinki!" Jonghyun exclaimed as the older man dropped his shirt. Jonghyun looked away, feeling his face heat up, and only looked back at Jinki when the other raced across the pebble-filled shore towards the water. 

"C'mon!" Jinki yelled once he was close to the water.

"It's says 'No Swimming'!" 

"That's never stopped us before!"

Jonghyun watched as the man, cladded only in his boxers, jumped into the water with a large splash. The smile on Jinki's face as he reemerged to the surface was enough to entice the younger to join. Jonghyun quickly undressed until he was only in his undershirt and briefs and ran towards the water. It was a little cold but- with todays heat- very welcome. Jonghyun walked further and further until the water was to his chin. Jinki had already swam deeper into the water. "Those rocks hurt my feet you jackass!" He knew the other heard him when he saw Jinki start to crack up. "You could've warned me!"

Jinki swam closer to the frowning man. "Sorry," he smiled, "I guess I'm just not as weak as you are." He howled when that statement earned him a splash to the face.

The men continued to fight in the water until their old competitiveness showed it's head. From then on it was seeing who could hold their breath the longest, handstand competitions, and swimming races. All it took was for one to accuse the other of cheating before they started splashing each other again.

 

Jinki was rubbing at his eyes, they stung a bit from that last splash. When his vision cleared up, he looked at Jonghyun and his smile dropped. Jinki squinted to get a better look. Earlier when they were swimming, he thought he'd seen something on Jonghyun's face- but now he was certain of it.

When Jonghyun realized the other wasn't going to retaliate he decided to finally get closer. He stopped when he saw Jinki's odd expression. "What is it?" He asked as he swam closer. Jonghyun was starting to get a bit scared. He really didn't know what the other was looking at. This was just a quarry so their couldn't have been any sharks or gators in the water. When he was in front of Jinki, there was no doubt the other was looking at something on his face. Jonghyun put an arm on Jinki's shoulder. They were close enough to the shore that the water came to Jinki's neck as he stood on the floor. Jonghyun's face would still be below water if he were to stand, so he decided to hang off of Jinki in order for them to be at eye-level. "Seriously Jinki, you're scaring me."

Jinki reached a hand up and wiped away at some of the makeup coming off on the right side of Jonghyun's face. The smaller man flinched a little when Jinki's thumb swiped over the fading purple bruise under his left eye.

Jonghyun sighed. He had forgotten all about the concealer he put on to hide his black eye this morning. When Jinki convinced him to swim that was the furthest thing from his mind. Now he knew why the other halted their fun. Jonghyun's mood fell and he looked at the other man's chin, he hoped Jinki wasn't disappointed in him. He was afraid to meet the other's eyes and see something telling him just how stupid he was. That's why Jonghyun was surprised when Jinki leaned forward and kissed the bruise before wrapping his arms tightly around the small man. That shock, however, didn't keep him from returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around Jinki's head and holding him close.

"I'm tired." Jinki stated simply as he held the other. "Do you want to go back to the picnic?" He smiled when he felt the other nod above him. When Jonghyun didn't make a move to let go, Jinki huffed. "Am I supposed to carry you there?" The smaller man wrapped his legs around Jinki's middle and the older man laughed. "Brat." As he scurried towards the picnic blanket, each of his cries of 'ow' were met with overly-amused giggles from the man in his arms that Jinki could only describe as evil. "That friggin hurt." He whined as he dropped Jonghyun on his feet once they reached the blanket.

"Well, that's too bad." Jonghyun sat down and watched as Jinki pouted and joined him. "But it's good that you carried me. You know why?"

"Because I didn't warn you earlier."

"That.. and because you have to be extra nice to me today."

Jinki looked over at the other. His eyes quickly glanced down to the purple bruise before looking back into Jonghyun's round eyes. "Why?"

"Because yesterday was my birthday."

".."Jinki looked away in contemplation. "Oh my god it was.."

Jonghyun kept his small smile on his face even though he was a little hurt the other had forgotten.

"Well, happy late birthday bud."

"Thanks." Jonghyun replied sourly.

Jinki smirked as he watched the other close his eyes and lean back. Jonghyun sat with his legs out in front of him crossed at the ankle, while he supported his upper body on his arms out behind him. With Jinki sitting crisscrossed on the corner of their mat, he had a total view of the other's lean body. Once you saw past the occasional bruise and fading scars, the body itself was quite alluring. This was the first he's seen the other so bare since they swam at this same quarry 15 or so years ago. Jonghyun's body has changed a lot. Although still thin, he was no longer the scrawny little pre-teen. His body had filled out and there was now muscle where there use to be only skin and bone. His tan skin looked so smooth, every part of him looked soft in fact. Even the hint of abs on his small middle. Everything about him was so.. attractive. "Y'know.." As he broke the silence the other opened his eyes and lowered his head that was just looking to the sky. With Jonghyun's face in the mix, Jinki surmised his friend had to be one of the most attractive people he's seen- and his current slicked back hair from the water only added to the fact. "I think I'm starting to see why even men can't resist you." The younger's eyes widened in confusion. "You're gorgeous Jongie."

The pure, proud smile on the other's face let Jonghyun know Jinki wasn't merely flirting with him- but simply telling him his opinion. That didn't stop Jonghyun's heart from picking up or him stuttering out his response. "T-thank you."

"I'm serious. I knew you were handsome but, " he whistled, "Damn boy. If I wasn't married."

"Jinki!" There goes the flirting. Jonghyun took a deep breath and shook his head as the other laughed. "As soon as we dry off, take me home." He couldn't fight his smile as the other pouted.

"Oh, you're no fun." Jinki met eyes with the other and warmed at Jonghyun's smile. He startled when it slowly dropped. "What?"

Jonghyun looked away from his eyes and shook his head. "No.. it's selfish."

"A good selfish or a bad selfish?"

Jonghyun smiled slightly and looked at the other, he was intrigued. "What's the difference?"

"A bad selfish is when you make excuses for the one's who hurt you just so they can stay. A good selfish is anything else."

Their eye contact remained when Jonghyun responded. "A good selfish."

"Then tell me."

"It's been a good day, actually.. it's been good ever since you started to talk to me again. And sometimes I forget you have a whole life somewhere else." He could feel his eyes burn from unwanted tears, "But I don't want to lose this. I know you cant stay and I know you have to go back.. but I don't-" he cut himself off. "I'm selfish."

"No, Jonghyun. You're not selfish. I've felt incredibly happy during our time together. No matter what happens, remember what I said.. we're still okay. We'll always be okay. I don't care if I have to drive down here every weekend, I'm not going to let you slip from my life again. You're too important to me. We wont see each other as much, but I will make sure it's not too long- even if I have to buy you a smartphone myself just so we can video chat-" the mood immediately picked up when the younger started to laugh, "even if I have to do that! Okay?"

Jonghyun quickly swiped away some of his tears as he smiled and nodded. "Okay Jingie."

"Ewww." Jonghyun laughed harder. "Not that nickname.. I've always hated that nickname."

"Sorry. Okay, enough of the sad stuff. Let's eat!"

 

After drying off and redressing, they packed the empty food containers and folded the blanket then carried them to the car. Jinki put everything in the trunk and sat in the drivers seat. He looked over to Jonghyun who was already buckled up. "Do you have a lighter?"

The younger one looked at him oddly before nodding and reaching into his miniature backpack and pulling out his lighter and a pack of cigarettes. "These too?" he asked holding the box.

"Oh no. Ew. Smoking is bad for you y'know." 

"I do." he smiled as he dropped the box back into his bag and handed the lighter to Jinki. "Why do you need it?"

"No reason." he stated as he reached behind the passenger seat and brought forth a small white box. He placed it on the middle compartment between the driver and passenger seats. "Just this." 

Jinki opened the box so that Jonghyun wasn't able to see the inside. The sneaky look on the older man's face made Jonghyun smile. He heard the other ignite the lighter and then Jinki turned the box towards him. Jonghyun's eyes widened as he saw the small cake. Jinki's soft, calming voice as he sang 'Happy Birthday' made Jonghyun feel so much- too much. "You acted like you forgot." he muttered quietly.

"Well, you were a no-show yesterday so I couldn't celebrate with you then.. but I could never forget. Your birthday is like TOP TEN most important birthdays to me." His tease earned him a glare from the other. "Okay TOP FIVE." Jonghyun's hard look still didn't let up, "Okay TOP ONE but I'm not going any higher than that!" 

Jonghyun giggled, he felt so happy right now. It was still daytime, but they had to cut their time short because Jonghyun was wanted at home. The cake was small enough for them to finish on the ride to Jonghyun's house. Since their time together was no longer a secret, that's where Jinki had been picking him up and dropping him off on day's when Eric wasn't at work. There were only a few bites left and Jonghyun was having too much fun feeding a driving Jinki. The older man was adamant about keeping his eyes on the road, but whenever Jonghyun missed his mouth he would complain. "Oh calm down, if you'd just look over a bit there wouldn't be such a mess." At the stop sign Jinki looked over to him and pouted. The younger didn't hide his amusement when he noticed the mess he made. "Okay I'm sorry." Jonghyun reached over and used his thumb to wipe off the frosting hanging off the side of Jinki's mouth. He noticed the older man's eyes watch every movement as he brought his thumb to his lips and cleaned it off with his mouth. The look in Jinki's eyes turned unfamiliar but Jonghyun still felt himself heat up.

"Hn." Jinki said to himself before he looked back to the road on continued driving. Whatever he just thought was pushed out of his head as Jonghyun's house came into view. When he pulled out front he sighed and Jonghyun unbuckled himself. He could see Jonghyun turn to him in his peripheral. Jinki didn't look over until the other grabbed his hand lightly.

"Thank you for today. It's the best birthday I've had in- well, ever I think."

Jinki looked down at their conjoined hands and squeezed. "My pleasure Jjong. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you yesterday, but again.. Happy Birthday." He smiled to his friend. His eyes and smiled widened as Jonghyun quickly pecked him on the cheek and grabbed his backpack before rushing out of the car. He'd never seen the other so bashful. Jinki's smile dropped when the front door opened before Jonghyun had the chance to unlock it and out came Eric. Jinki waved and the other waved back before holding his arm up in a halting position and jogging towards the car.

"Hey, Jinki."

"How's it going."

"You like football?"

Jinki had to physically keep his brows from furrowing and his eyes from rolling. He really didn't want to speak to this guy. "I'm not an avid follower, but I watch when I can."

"Well there's a big game going on tonight. Yunnie was going to cook, you should stick around. We could have that dinner we talked about a while ago."

From behind Eric, Jinki could see Jonghyun wringing his hands nervously. The younger man was too far away to hear what they were talking about so Jinki smiled at Eric to relieve his friend. "That sounds nice." Jinki knew he was asking for it- an evening of pure torture- but at least he'd be able to spend more time with Jonghyun tonight. And anytime he could spend with his bestfriend, he needed to- especially with Jinki's every growing need to return home.

 

Jinki's not going to lie, sitting in Jonghyun's living room watching a football game with his bestfriends abuser is not how he imagined today ending. This past hour has been incredibly awkward. Jinki has spent the whole time pretending to be really into the game, that way he could ignore Eric as much as possible. He's barely seen much of his bestfriend since the younger changed into more formal wear then disappeared into the kitchen. While watching the players on the screen kick the ball back and forth, the clanking in the kitchen behind him distracted Jinki more. He turned around in the armchair he was currently sitting in and stared through the rectangular area that gave you a glimpse of the kitchen. "Need any help in there?" His shout caught the attention of not only Jonghyun but the man sitting on the sofa opposite of the tv screen. In his peripheral he saw Eric turn towards him but Jinki paid him no mind.

"I'm okay, thank you." Jonghyun hastily replied.

Jinki could tell the other was anxious, so he stood from the couch and made to join him. "He's lying." he said to Eric who nodded. When Jinki entered the kitchen he saw why the other was so frantic. Jonghyun had so many things going on at once. He was cooking on three burners on the stove, baking a cake, trying to mix drinks, and washing every dish after he used it. Jinki stood at the entrance. "Where do you need me?"

Jonghyun stopped and looked at him wide-eyed before letting out a relieved sigh and pointing to the dishes. "Please?" 

Jinki smiled and headed towards the sink patting Jonghyun's hip encouragingly as he passed him. Throughout the time he spent helping Jonghyun in the kitchen, Eric decided to make small talk from his seat on the couch. Jinki was glad the older man didn't feel the need to turn around fully and speak, instead opting to turn his head just a bit and talk loudly over his shoulder. Because of this Jinki could make as many faces at the other and childishly roll his eyes when he responded. He could tell Jonghyun was amused by his behavior even in the younger was silently scolding him and hitting him whenever Jinki did it.

"It's cool that you're helping him. Y'know this special dinner isn't just for game night."

Jinki was stirring the potatoes in one of the pans. From his position at the stove, he could see the whole living room area through the rectangular space in the wall. He kept his eyes on the food as he responded to the man on the couch. "It's not?"

"Yeah, it was Yunnie's birthday yesterday and since I worked most of the day we didn't really get to celebrate."

Jinki widened his eyes in exaggeration. "Oh, really?" His fake shock made Jonghyun hide behind the refrigerator, covering his mouth to suppress his laughter. "I totally forgot about it."

"Well it's a good thing you decided to stick around."

"It is!" Jinki smiled widely at the small man who was almost in tears. His smiled turned genuine as he watched the younger shake his head slowly while still covering his own smile.

Jonghyun had finished the drinks and the cake was off to the side cooling down. He nudged Jinki aside so that he now stood in front of the stove. His eyes caught movement in the living room ahead and he watched Eric stand and head off to the side most likely going to the bathroom. Once the man was out of sight, Jonghyun looked back to the food below and started stirring. He had this nagging feeling growing inside of him ever since Jinki and Eric starting chatting, he decided to speak on it. "So you seem to be remaining civil towards him. Is he starting to get in your good graces?" Jonghyun really didn't mean to say it a snippy as it came out but lately he's been thinking of Jinki as his sort of- knight in shining armor- and seeing him have a polite conversation with his should be enemy upset Jonghyun a bit. Just because Jjong had a troublesome relationship with Eric didn't mean he thought it was okay for Jinki to give him a chance. In Jonghyun's eyes, he didn't want his friend to be anywhere near this filth that he believed he and his boyfriend were surrounded by. He didn't want Jinki to be sullied in anyway, especially when Jonghyun felt he had already dirtied him enough. All his worries about Jinki giving Eric a chance flew out the window when the latter stood behind Jonghyun and whispered into his ear.

"Don't get me wrong. I hate his fucking guts. I'm just playing nice so he doesn't feel the need to hurt you if I embarrass his ass. Even in he got baptized tomorrow, confessed all his sins, and joined a convent.. I could never forgive him for what's he done to you." 

Jonghyun stared straight into Jinki's eyes and found no lie. Even though Jonghyun was with Eric, he felt immense relief at Jinki's words. He wanted so dearly to keep these two worlds apart, the light and the dark. Their eye contact stayed until the smaller man jumped at the sound of the bathroom door being opened. He pushed Jinki away with his hips and continued to stir the food. Eric joined the pair in the kitchen.

"Mm, babe. It smells good." He smiled as he wrapped his arms around the small man.

"It's almost done." Jonghyun replied, he really wished Eric wouldn't do this with Jinki around. When he snuck a glance to the side it looked like the latter was looking anywhere but at the couple. Jonghyun plastered a smile on his face and tried not to cringe when Eric kissed the side of his neck before letting him go.

Eric spoke to the man leaning against the opening frame between the kitchen and the dining room. "Looks like everything is wrapping up in here, you coming back to watch the game?"

Jinki looked up to the taller man as he passed, "Yeah I'll be there in a sec." When the older man's back was turned, Jinki stepped a bit closer to Jonghyun so he could get a good view as he flipped the departing man off. The younger's eyes widened and he swatted Jinki's hand furiously. Jinki could tell the other was shocked, yet amused at the gesture. Once Jinki's hand was pulled down and out of Eric's direction, Jinki grabbed Jonghyun's swatting hand and pulled it close to him. He could see him become confused and then startled when Jinki brought Jonghyun's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Jinki smiled widely and winked before joining Eric in the living room.

 

Conversation between all three men once dinner was set was quiet. The main speaker of the trio was the oldest. Eric spoke mostly to Jinki and would steer the conversation to the youngest every once in a while. Jinki got even more annoyed when Eric would speak about the youngest as if he wasn't sitting right there. The main sound currently was the clanking of the eating utensils against the plates. Jinki decided to finally try the juicy steak he put to the side and when he did he literally had to quiet his moan.

"Oh my god." When his exclamation made Jonghyun look up at him he continued. "You made this?"

Jonghyun scrunched his brows in worry at that man seated across from him, he's never been that confident in his cooking skills. Even if Jinki joked with him and said it was terrible, he's sure he'd feel a little disappointed. Jonghyun cautiously nodded.

"It's incredible Jongie. I had no idea you had this talent."

While Jonghyun ducked his head and tried to hide his smile, he and Jinki missed the quiet, simmering man seated at the end of the table.

As Jonghyun was uttering out his thanks, he stuttered slightly when he felt a foot slowly but firmly press down on his. His heart jumped and he didn't dare look to his left.. he could tell he'd already upset Eric. Jonghyun blanked out for a second as he went over everything he'd said and done, he couldn't pinpoint what it was that ticked the other off and it was starting to make him anxious.

Jinki could tell something was going on with Jonghyun but the man to his right prevented him from asking yet.

"I see your ring. You married?"

Jinki pried his eyes away from his friend and looked at Eric. "Yes I am." he faked a smile. "5 years now."

Eric whistled, "That's a long time, you're pretty young right?"

"You don't want to wait when you know you've found the one."

"That's true. I can say the same about Yunnie and I.. I liked him for a bit, longer than he liked me. But I knew he was the one when he finally opened up about his family. I'm sure you know all about it."

"I do."

"Well, you see. We- Jonghyun and I- we have very similar backstories. Our father's knocked us around growing up.. but we're only stronger now," he turned to Jonghyun, "aren't we babe?"

Jinki could honestly say the fake smile Jonghyun gave made his stomach turn. "Where are your parents now? If you don't mind me asking."

Eric turned back to Jinki. "A few hundred miles away." he smiled, "My father was running for office and paid me a god awful amount of money to go away and keep quiet." When he watched Jinki expression fall he laughed, "It's no harm to me. It's much better than you can imagine. Their monthly 'hush money' is how I was able to buy this house. You don't think bartending affords all of this do you?"

"I didn't think much about it." Jinki said lamely as he returned back to his plate. Whatever small amount of interest he built up, he lost just as quick.

"So, where is your bride?"

Jinki internally sighed. "Back home in the city. I came to visit my parents for a few weeks and she couldn't come because of work." The lie easily rolled off his tongue.

"You've been here for.. two months no?" Eric stated as he starting to pick more at his plate. "If you don't mind me saying, that's a long visit."

Jinki clenched his jaw and continued to smile, "No, you're right. It's a long visit but I missed my parents." He looked and nodded towards Jonghyun. "I missed my friends."

Eric continued eating, "Of course, I completely understand. It's just.. I know I wouldn't be able to be away from Yunnie that long. I don't know how you're doing it."

Jinki could tell the other was purposefully prying, trying to push his buttons and if he was being honest with himself- it was working a little bit. "Trust me, it's not without difficulty.. but I don't get many opportunities like this and my job was able to give me the time off- so I took it. I miss her and my home, but I'll be back soon.. I'm almost finished with my time here." Jinki was looking at Eric so he missed Jonghyun's panicked eyes. A part of him knew how the other would react so he didn't look at Jonghyun just yet. Jinki hated that this was the way for Jonghyun to find out.

"That's too bad. We were just getting to know one another."

"Don't fret, I'll be visiting a lot more- especially since my old friendship is back up and running." He smiled at Jonghyun but the younger's head was still down as he poked at his plate.

"Sounds like a plan, hopefully next time you'll even bring the missus." Jinki smiled and nodded and the three continued to eat their meal.

 

Jonghyun barely said goodbye to Jinki when the latter left, he was so upset. Upset about what was about to happen in his home and upset about Jinki's impending departure. He was at the sink washing the dishes from dinner when he heard footsteps as Eric entered the kitchen. Jonghyun closed his eyes and tried not to seem too afraid as he willed his body to continue what he was doing.

"So nothing's going on between you two?"

Jonghyun's brows trembled. How many times did they have to have this conversation? He did his best to keep the tremble out of his voice, "No Eric," he shook his head and looked over his shoulder, "I swear."

"You know.." Eric said as he pushed his body off of the counter he was leaning against and walked closer towards Jonghyun. The flinch the smaller man did at the movement amused him. "You keep saying that but I witnessed it first hand tonight."

Jonghyun felt like crying as he dropped the rag in the sink and turned around to Eric. "What do you mean?" His mind raced as he thought of what it could've been, was it when Jinki kissed his hand? Eric's back was turned.. "There's nothing going on Eric." Jonghyun looked down quickly and fought to look back up as the tall man slowly approached him.

"You say that but why did you blush like a stupid little school girl when he complimented your cooking then acted like it was the end of the world when he said he was leaving?"

"That wa-" His words were cut off as Eric gripped his face harshly with his hand.

"And don't think I didn't hear you two giggling and whispering behind my back. What were you two saying huh?"

Jonghyun wasn't able to speak until Eric loosened his grip and slowly caressed his jaw, "Eric, it's not like that." Jonghyun said one more time, but based on the other's hard eyes, it was already too late. Jonghyun had been in this situation too many times, much longer than Eric has been the abuser. There was only one way out and that was to escape.. and Jonghyun didn't mean running. Jonghyun closed his eyes. 'I'm not here.' he thought 'I'm not here.. I'm not here.. I'm not here.. I'm not here..' he repeated until he fell into his headspace, the only time he truly felt free and safe. Once he was able to slip into this dream-state, he couldn't feel the pain from the blows.  
###  
Eric saw the small man's eyes glaze over like they always did and every time.. it pissed him off. He pulled the man forward by the hold he had on his throat and slammed him back against the cabinets.

'One' Jonghyun counted to himself. He felt Eric grab onto the front of his shirt before he was thrown to the floor 'two'..  
.  
.  
.  
Jinki sat on the edge of his bed in his dark hotel room. He felt so useless sitting here. He just left Jonghyun there with that.. Jinki's hated before, he truly hated Jonghyun's parents, so he knows the feeling. The twist in his gut and the overwhelming feeling of disgust. It's against everything he stands for, but as much as he cares for his friend- he knows he hates Eric just as much. Jinki had this nagging going on in the back of his mind- did Eric always act so oddly or was he pissed off? His leg shook as he contemplated. The clock on the beside table said it was 12:30 a.m., what would happen if he drove back over there at this time? Jinki's chest felt heavy, it always was when he left his friend with that sociopath. He wanted to go get him- Jinki quickly grabbed his phone when it rang. He froze at the picture on the screen. Jinki stared at it before slowly swiping across the answer button and holding it to his ear.

"Jinki?"

He let out a ragged breath at the voice. His heart that had raced while he worried for Jonghyun now beat slowly but loudly as he listened to the voice on the other end.

"Jinki sweetheart are you there?"

His eyes fluttered at the endearment and his lips trembled slightly as his croaked out his response. "Yes."

Jiho gasped quietly. "Baby, I miss you."

"..I- I miss you too."

"I think it's time for you to come home."

Jinki didn't realize his tears until one quickly fell down his cheek. He stared across his dark room. "Me too." he whispered. He heard his wife start to break down on the other end.

"I love you."

Jinki slowly closed his eyes. His throat felt tight, but his mind.. it was clear. "I.."  
.  
.  
.  
###

Eric was breathing heavily as he landed one last kick to Jonghyun's midsection. He was tired out, the punishment was enough for today. He closed his eyes and deeply inhaled before walking into the bedroom, leaving the other laying on the floor in the hallway.

Jonghyun could feel his body convulsing and his breath coming out in quick, ragged spurts. It hurt all over, but the cool of the wooden floor provided some relief to his sweltering face. He didn't know if the other was done or taking a break, but all he could do was continue his counting of the blows. '37' he thought. '37'  
"t- thir ty se-" was all he was able to get out before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't know that much about triggers, but I don't want to cause anyone any harm. I know this is just fiction, but I'm using real names and I don't want to hurt any readers. If this is too much, please tell me. Honestly this is part of the plot to move it along, I'm only using it for that.
> 
>  
> 
> Please inform me if I'm wrong, thank you.


	4. Almost Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Short Chap (it was the first part of the last chap, but I didn't feel right leaving you hanging like I did) 
> 
> No warnings this time :}

Jinki leaned his forehead against the door. No answer. It's been four days and he hasn't seen Jonghyun. He hasn't seen Eric working in the hotel bar either and every time he comes to their house, no one answers. He's been sticking around longer each day.. and nothing. Today he pounded on the door for 10 minutes, stood on the porch for twice as long, then sat in his car for more than an hour before exiting and trying again. Jinki knew the other was upset because he was leaving and he hoped that was the reason for being ignored.. he didn't even want to think of any other possibilities.  
.  
.  
.  
Jonghyun put the other pillow under his back as he lay down on the pallet in the shack. He missed Jinki but he didn't want the other to see him like this. When he looked in the mirror after he woke up from his blackout 4 days ago, he almost puked at the scene. His mouth and lips were coated with dried blood, his eyes were not only black- but one of the capillaries in his left one burst and made the lower white part of the eyeball turn bloody red. There was an open cut across the bridge of his nose.. and this was just his face. It was a struggle to stand and his ribs hurt so terribly he was sure they were fractured or bruised. He's spent the past days icing his body, he's barely slept at all. He hasn't seen himself since, it was too revolting. 

There were times when Eric did so much to him, that even the man himself felt he had to give Jonghyun time alone to heal. After beatings such as the last one, Jonghyun was free to do and go wherever he pleased. In the past he would go to the park or a section in the forest and just sit and not eat until he came back out of his headspace, but since he had the shack- it was now seen as a sort of sanctuary. He limped all the way here last night and hasn't left since. It was quiet and dark when he arrived with his bag. He pulled out the tote in the corner that Jinki brought to hold their blankets, pillows, and candles. After he made the pallet last night he lit a candle and stared up at the ceiling until the sun rose over the horizon. Jonghyun only got up to relive himself, brush his teeth, and drink one of his waters he brought. Now as he lay back on the pallet, Jonghyun felt himself come back to the real world.

He cringed from the pain in his middle when he reached over to grab his bag. Jonghyun opened it and pulled out a book to read, hoping to distract him from his thoughts. For the first time, Jonghyun didn't want to go back home after he was healed. Now that he had something- someone to live for, he was afraid of what would happen if he did. Jonghyun dropped the book in alarm when he heard the wooden floor panels outside of the shack creak. He stared at the door wide-eyed and exhaled heavily when Jinki entered.

"Jjong?!" Jinki stopped in the doorway, heart picking up quickly- he's never felt such relief. Jinki ran over to the man struggling to sit up and kneeled at his feet. "Jonghyun." His brows trembled when he saw the state of his bestfriend. He helped Jonghyun to sit up the rest of the way and delicately enveloped him in his arms. Jinki crossed one arm around Jonghyun's back and the other cradled the back of is head. He ran his fingers through the soft, black strands and closed his eyes to keep from tearing up. "How much longer?" he whispered. Jinki pulled back and brought both of his hands to softly hold the injured man's chin. He saw the question in Jonghyun's eyes and continued. "How much longer am I supposed to sit here and wait for you to leave him? You don't deserve this, no one does. When will you see that this isn't real love?"

Jonghyun brought his hands to Jinki's and his lips quivered when he responded quietly, "I'm starting too." He could feel his heart leap as he watched Jinki's eyes widen and water.

"R-really?" he choked out. When Jonghyun nodded, it felt like a dam burst inside of him and Jinki let go all of is worry. He finally allowed himself to break down. Jinki pressed his forehead against Jonghyun's and wept. He could feel the other's nose nudge against his and he hoped he didn't irritate the cut there, but he couldn't hold back. All the worry about his marriage, his parents, and his friend had built up over the past couple of months and it was all coming out now.

Jonghyun pulled back enough to examine Jinki's blotchy face. His lashes were wet, there was a tensed crease between his trembling brows and with every ragged intake of breath he took, his lips quivered. Jonghyun couldn't believe his heart. For Jinki to feel so much.. all this emotion.. for him. He brought his hands to the tender man's face. Was this the real love Jinki spoke of? The overwhelming affection he felt for the older man right now compelled him to inch closer and kiss Jinki's tear-stained cheek. A fresh tear fell from the other eye and Jonghyun caught it with his lips before it dropped completely. The more contact he had, the more impulsive he became. With the next kiss to Jinki's cheek, Jonghyun opened his mouth just enough to get a taste of the salty skin. This is what he's craved all his life, this is what he's been denied- this warmth. When he pulled back he saw no rejection in his friend's eyes, just mild shock, curiosity, and desire? Jonghyun slowly closed the distance and their lips met.

Jinki had stilled the moment Jonghyun kissed his cheek. He ceased his crying even as more tears fell. His eyes fluttered when Jonghyun kissed the other and a shiver ran though his body when he felt a hint of Jonghyun's tongue. When the other pulled away, Jinki held his breath. He felt the familiar tinge of hunger. This was different however, new, but so right. Almost as if it was meant to be this way.. but of course Jinki wasn't thinking any of this at the moment. No, as he stared into the other's eyes, the only thing he could see and breathe was Jonghyun. There was nothing else in this world as he watched the other slowly lean in. That innocent first touch of lips was short lived as Jinki immediately responded and wound his fingers into the other's soft hair. He didn't have time to ask himself: how long? All that resounded around his mind was that he needed more. He slipped his tongue into Jonghyun's mouth and the gasp the other made resonated though his body going straight south. Jinki moved his arms down to grab Jonghyun by the back of his thighs and bring him in his lap. Once the younger was straddling him, Jinki's mouth became more demanding. He didn't care about the fact he could barely breathe, he needed more.

This was nothing like Jonghyun has ever experienced, but everything he's ever wanted. Jinki's hands desperately moved from his back to his face to his bottom repeatedly. Jonghyun could cry if not for the agony he was starting to experience down below. Eager for relief, he rubbed his crotch into Jinki's and immediately felt dizzy. When Jinki didn't resist, but only gripped harder, Jonghyun repeated his action and the two men broke their heated kiss only to moan into each other's mouths. Jonghyun couldn't get enough. He was beaten up and aching, but he longed to continue even more. Jinki had said he was 'everything', if only the man knew that's what he was to Jonghyun- everything good. If only he could stay forever in this moment, but that's not what he wanted most. He wanted Jinki on top of him, inside of him, all around him. He wanted to be consumed till he was nothing, but still everything to Jinki and Jinki only. He pulled back and looked at his beloved with hooded eyes. If Jinki's eyes were so lust-filled, Jonghyun couldn't imagine how his own looked. He bit his bottom lip and it seemed to have a positive effect on the older, seeing as his mouth curled up in a sexy snarl before he quickly lowered Jonghyun on his back. The smaller man's brows twitched and his jaw clenched as pain shot through his mid-section. His ribs flamed up, but he made no sound. This was too important, he would not let anything ruin this. His grimace must've caught the other's attention, however, and before he could placate Jinki, he saw the heat slowly leaving his eyes.

Jinki stopped everything. Jonghyun just flinched, he's injured.. because of Eric. "Shit." Jinki exclaimed as he shook away the cloud in his mind. Jiho. Jinki quickly sat up and backed away from the other. "Shit." he said to himself. What was he thinking?

Jonghyun slowly backed against the wall behind him and brought his knees up.. The pillow below him was pushing into his ribs but he didn't move away, he started to feel he deserved the pain again. He could see the panic spread across the other's face. "Jinki," he whispered and when the other shot his questioning gaze towards him, Jonghyun quickly continued, "It was all me okay. I'm sorry. It was me. I made it you do it. You're supposed to be my bestfriend and I took advantage of your moment of weakness. I'm so disgusting, please don't blame yourself."

"What?!" Jinki felt terrible when the other flinched. He shook his head, "No Jonghyun. You're-" he set one of his hands on Jonghyun's knee, "You're so fucking perfect." He brought his forehead to the same knee. "You don't understand."

"T- then why..?"

Jinki picked his head up and pulled his hand back to him. "I didn't want to stop. I don't. I want you so bad, but Jonghyun- I'm married, I made vows.." Jinki shook his head slowly. "A cheater? I don't want to be that person."

Jonghyun's heart dropped, he'd truly forgotten everything in that moment, he felt like such a fool. "I don't want to make you that person."

Jinki stared at the small man in front of him. This occurrence has only shed light on the hidden feelings he's steadily been developing for the other. But it wasn't their time, not when Jinki was taken and Jonghyun was so broken. Jinki lowered his head to escape those long-wet lashes and kissed-red lips. He couldn't think straight right now. Not with Jonghyun right here and not when his body was still shaking from what they just did. Jinki quickly stood. "Fuck." he cursed. 'Nothing is fair' That was his thought as he exited the shack. Once he was outside he leaned against the wooden wall and banged is head back. "Why?"  
.  
.  
.  
Jinki checked out of his hotel and was on his way to his parents. He decided to spend his last night there before he left back home in the morning. His mother welcomed him at the door and embraced him. He greeted his father as he passed him and was answered with a nod- at least they were on 'speaking' terms again.

 

Much like the first night here, Jinki lay restless in his old bed. Only, the topic keeping him awake was completely different. He had his ring off of his finger and was clutching it his hand. It was quiet outside and through his open window he could hear only the bugs outside chirping. A few flashes on his ceiling caught his attention and when he turned his head to the side he saw that it was coming from outside. Jinki got out of bed and made his way over to the window. He didn't fight the smile that spread on his face as he looked down at his best friend. Jonghyun flashed his flashlight on and off a few times and spelled out the only thing the two had learned all those years ago, 'sup'. He chuckled when Jonghyun finished with a smile and flipped him off. Jinki flipped him off too before stepping away and quietly rushing downstairs. Once he was outside he walked past Jonghyun and into his backyard. Jinki sat on the back steps as he waited for the other to join him. "What are you doing here?" he asked without malice.

Jonghyun shrugged and sat next to him. It'd been two days since their kiss, but he knows they've both calmed down and neither blamed the other. "Julie at the front desk said you checked out tonight and I wanted to catch you before you went back home."

Jinki turned to the smaller man with furrowed brows, "Regardless of what happened between us, I wouldn't have left without telling you goodbye. Please know that."

The younger stared into Jinki's pleading eyes and nodded. "I guess. You did tell me 'we'll always be okay'.." He could feel his throat tighten up and he cleared it, "So.. tomorrow then?"

Jinki watched as the other looked away from him. "Yeah."

"Your head's cleared?"

The older observed from the side as a tear fell from Jonghyun's eye. "Very." His breath caught when the younger turned to him.

"I'll miss you." he murmured quietly.

Jinki wiped the tears with the back of his hand, then caressed the skin of Jonghyun's cheek. "You're so fucking beautiful." His heart broke as Jonghyun closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Jinki turned his hand around so that his palm rested against the small man's face and he used his thumb to softly swipe along his bottom lip. He had so much he wanted to say. He could easily do his part to mend Jonghyun's broken heart now, but he needed to fix himself before he even tried. If they were to attempt a relationship right now.. there's no way it would end well. And Jinki only wanted Jonghyun to get what he deserved.. everything. At the moment, Jinki knew he wasn't the one to give it to him. He shook himself and lowered his hand before bringing his bestfriend into his embrace. 

 

After sitting outside for who-knows how long, holding each other. Jonghyun decided it was time to say goodbye. He hugged Jinki tightly. Instead of 'goodbyes' they said 'see-you-soons'.. but Jonghyun felt empty. As he sauntered off he was pulled back to Jinki.

"I'm serious Jonghyun. I'll see you soon okay?" He waited until light came back in the other's eyes and for Jjong to nod before he cradled the side of his face and pressed a lingering kiss on the section of unbruised skin on the younger's high cheek.

"I love you." Jonghyun's eyes widened in surprise, it came out without him thinking.

Jinki pulled back a little and responded, "Of course you do. I'm loveable." When the younger nodded he pinched his chin. "Love you too."

Jonghyun smiled and smacked the other's hand away. "You're supposed to say it back right away jerk." he teased as he backed away.

His familiar playful glare warmed Jinki, but he was torn. The other was departing again and Jinki already missed him. It was hard to leave here, leave Jjong, but Jinki had someone back home waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Time to cry forever right.. any wayyy
> 
> (so yeh, this chapter's kind of meh.. but like I said it was the beginning of the last one that I'm not ready to upload yet so here you all are)
> 
> PLEASE EXCUSE how I write moments of intimacy.. especially the steamier parts I SUCK oKaY :''''''''''{
> 
> I wish I could make it fluid, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOO wordy, OVERLY CORN CORN COrnYYY, and sheesh just.. Don't judge lol


	5. Clear Minded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh noooo It's over folks :''''''''''[
> 
> Don't cry okee :'( The Miserable Ones was the most difficult story I every had to write. I'm glad it's over but only because i've planned a sequel hehehe WHAT? Don't read that it'll be a while lol I have too many stories already, but I don't think this one is finished finished. But for now!! It is over. Thank you to all my readers and supporters, you're awesome and for the last time in this AU for now at least...
> 
> Enjoy :)

As soon as Jinki entered his house through the entrance from the garage, he tossed his keys in their designated dish on the table by the door. He stretched and loosened his tie before walking to the living room. Most of the lights downstairs in the Lee's large home were on, but it was almost unbearably quiet. He placed his briefcase on the island in the kitchen as he poured himself a glass of water. Jinki returned to the living room with a smile when he saw his wife. 

"Hey babe."

Jiho looked up at him from the loveseat, "Hi sweetheart. How was work?" She offered him a pitiful smile when he sighed loudly and playfully deflated. Mrs. Lee sat back when Jinki jokingly wobbled over to the couch. He sat next to her and leaned down to place his head on her lap.

"Awful. I'm so tired."

Jiho ran her fingers through his hair absentmindedly. She looked to the clock, it read 11:47 p.m., "I can imagine." While staring off into space, Jiho internally sighed. Jinki coming home late, almost around midnight, wasn't new. He was a very important team member at his company and when he took the job, the Lee's knew what they were getting themselves into- only Jiho never imagined it to this extent. Yes, they had a nice house and a luxurious car in a great neighborhood, they were able to afford everything they needed and buy a lot of what they wanted- but for the past year, they've barely seen that much of each other. Jiho taught at the nearest junior high school Monday through Friday and Jinki worked Monday through Saturday, noon to 11 at night. That meant their free time was spent by Jiho grading assignments and lesson planning, Jinki doing research or working on his current project, and both getting their much needed sleep. Their longest conversation this year was less than 20 minutes and Jiho can't even recall the last time they'd made love.

Jinki turned up at his wife. "Not for much longer though." He said softly as he reached up and caressed her face.

Jiho's brows furrowed at those words and she broke out of her trance to look down at her husband. "What do you mean?" His widening smile confused her more and he quickly sat up. "Jinki?"

Jinki pulled one leg up on the couch and kept the other on the ground as he turned towards his wife. "I know it's been hard on you.. us not seeing that much of each other. I know because it's been hard on me too. But I haven't told you why. I've been working so much lately because I was offered a promotion."

The smile on Jinki's face wasn't contagious, a promotion didn't sound like a blessing to Jiho.. it still sounded like more work. Her husband must've noticed she wasn't excited so he cocked his head and shook it slightly.

"Don't look like that Ji. It's not what you think. I'll be working LESS and that's not the biggest part of the surprise. Because the big man really wants me to move up, as part of the negotiation I'm getting a longer vacation. THAT'S why I've been working nonstop. I've racked up about 3 months of paid vacation that I'll use consecutively."

Jiho could feel her heart start to quicken. She listened on, wide-eyed as Jinki continued.

"That means that trip to France you've been thirsting for, it's happening sweetheart and we might as well stop by Spain, maybe Italy.. we'll have the time."

Hearing those words and seeing Jinki's dazzling smile, Jiho could feel herself shaking. This isn't at all what she imagined. This whole time she thought Jinki was growing bored of her, dreading the fact that their spark was dying out. 'No' she thought- he was still only thinking of them. Jiho started to hyperventilate. "No." she cried. 

Jinki looked on confusedly as he wife started to breakdown. He would've thought it was happy tears if not for her chanting 'no' over and over as she bent forward and hid her face in her hands. "Jiho?"

She jumped at her husbands soft tone and soothing hand on her shoulder. Jiho flinched away from the light touch. "I- I thought you were pulling away from me."

Jinki's brows furrowed, "No honey.. never." His attempt at soothing his upset wife didn't work. Her lips trembled and her fists balled up on her thighs. Jinki wondered if she honestly thought he was loosing his feelings for her.

"Jiho, I didn't know you felt this way. I'm so sorry, I see now I shouldn't have kept it a secret.. Just know that I was always thinking of you."

Jiho felt empty, how could she tell him. Her lovely husband.. "Jinki, I-"

He could see his wife struggling to speak and he ran his hand up and down her back softly, "What is it?"

Jiho brought her reddened eyes to him, "I cheated on you Jinki."

He stopped his hand movement, "What?"

"I thought our love was gone."

"Bullshit." he dropped his hand in shock.

"Jinki!"

"Tell me you're lying."

"Jinki, please." she cried.

"'Please'? Please what?" Jiho's crying was starting to affect him differently than it had before. He'd always wanted to do his best to calm and soothe her, but as her words set in.. her crying just made him sick. "When? With who? How many times?"

"Jinki-"

"Answer me!" He demanded as he stood up and went to sit on the armchair on the other side of the coffee table. Jinki felt he couldn't be close to her at the moment.

"You don't know him. A- and it was two months ago? It was only twice Jinki.. I swear."

"'Only twice?'" Jinki's eyes watered as a sadness quickly replaced his shock.

Jiho stood and slowly went to kneel in front of him. "I'm so sorry Jinki. I was lonely and we had barely spoken.."

"We made vows Jiho." He whispered down at his kneeling wife. "You could've talked to me. A year of "loneliness" negates our seven years together?!" The anger was bubbling inside of him so he quickly stood and went to lean against the fireplace. "What the fuck Jiho. I'm hearing what you're saying, but for the life of me I can't process it. You- You're my wife. The love of my life."

Jiho sluggishly pulled herself into the armchair Jinki was just occupying and listened to her husband speak.

"You were only the third girlfriend I'd ever had, but I knew there could be no one after you. We we're each other's firsts. I don't understand. After everything we've been through together.. a year doesn't undo that. The only explanation is that you simply needed a reason to cheat."

"Jinki, no. I love you, I would never-"

"BUT YOU DID!" The room was silent after his outburst. Jinki shook his head and made his was towards the stairs. "You fucking did." He said before he ascended them.

 

Jiho sat in silence. It must've been a hour or so before Jinki returned downstairs. Jiho stood quickly when she saw the packed bag in his hands. "W- where are you going?"

Jinki didn't look at her as he made his way to the garage entrance. "My parents."

"Jinki that's hours away! What about your- your job?"

"I'll call my assistant in the morning." He rummaged through the dish by the door for his keys. "Let him know I'll be taking that long vacation early."

"You're going to leave me for three months?!"

Jinki swiftly turned to her. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. But I can't be with you right now! When I come back we'll talk, we'll figure things out, I'll forgive you, I don't know! But right now," Jinki took a breath to calm himself down, "you don't even want to know what I feel like doing right now Jiho. I'm disgusted. So, please let me go." His eyes watered as he grabbed the door knob, "I don't want to hate you."

Jiho stopped her fight and deflated. She shakily nodded her head and let Jinki open the door. When he stepped into the garage, she spoke once more, "Then go and know that I'm sorry. Forgive me then.. come back to me my love."

Jinki finally looked her in the eyes and for a split second he almost could see himself staying and forgiving her right away, but then.. he could never do something so awful to her like she did to him. Jinki turned went to his car. He didn't look at her once as he settled into the sports car nor when he opened the garage door with the click of a button. Not even when he drove away, did Jinki look back at his wife.

\---

Looking at the front door of his home, Jinki felt nervous, he'd been away for months. When he left all those nights ago, he never planned on actually using up his whole vacation, but finding Jjong and rekindling their relationship was an unforeseen circumstance.. one he was incredibly grateful for.

When Jiho heard the front door being unlocked she rushed out of the kitchen to Jinki. She instinctually went in for a hug, but hesitated once she realized the situation. Since he'd been gone for months with no contact Jiho didn't know where they stood, but Jinki saw her hesitate and gave her a small smile. Jiho rushed into his arms as soon as he opened them to her. She clutched at the back of his jacket tightly as she took in his familiar scent. She'd had months to think over her actions and consequences and there was nothing in the world she regretted more. Jiho knew Jinki was the love of her life and she hated that she hurt him and their relationship. She'd made up her mind to be perfect from now on, she'd be the Jiho she was at the beginning.. the one her lovely husband deserved.

Jinki allowed himself to relax in the embrace. "Jiho."

"I missed you." her voice was muffled in his shirt.

"I missed you too." Jinki took a deep breath and cleared his throat a bit before pulling away. "Let's sit. We need to talk."

"Of course sweet heart."

They walked into the living room and sat facing each other on the sofa. It was quiet and they smiled at each other when neither knew how to start. Jiho decided to take the lead.

"I'm sorry Jinki."

He nodded at his wife. "I know Ji."

"I love you."

Jinki watched her eyes water, he'd known her so long he could tell she was being sincere. "I love you too."

Jiho smiled through her tears as a feeling of relief spread through her. There was so much she needed to say, to ask. "How were your parents?"

Jinki laughed humorlessly, "The same."

Jiho smiled at that, knowing full well what that meant. She looked around a bit after noticing something. "Where are your bags?" 

Jinki stared at her, he supposed now was as good a time as any to tell her. "They're in the car."

"Huh? Aren't you going to bring them in?" Jiho could feel her heart speed up at Jinki's stare. She couldn't read him.

Jinki slowly shook his head, "No." he said quietly.

Her feeling of dread came back all at once, she knew that meant he wasn't coming back. He left his bags in his car because he intended on leaving again. Jiho cried out, "You hate me."

"No, Jiho. I don't . Not even at my angriest. I love you, but not the same way I did before I found out about your affair. In all this time, I've grown to accept what's happened and move on.. but what I couldn't erase or forget.. what stuck with me was that a part of our love was gone. Something I always thought was incredibly special was the fact that we were each other's firsts. When we would make love, it was like it was only us in the world. We were one being, knowing nothing else.. so when I found myself wanting to forgive you and come back, I couldn't shake the thought that someone else saw you like that. What was supposed to be ours and ours only.. wasn't anymore and that's what I can't forget Jiho." When he saw she was unable to respond due to her shock, sadness, or whatever feelings she was experiencing at the moment, Jinki stood up. He looked around the house, he'd put so much work into making what he thought would be their ideal life. This wasn't a home anymore, just a building. Jinki sighed and reached into the inner pocket of his jacket. He pulled out the folded envelope and dropped it on the coffee table. "I had my lawyer draw this up, it's not complete.. but you can have the house and everything. I want my car though."

Jiho shakily looked up from the envelope to her husband. Was this really happening? "Jinki-"

Jinki looked down, he felt bad that she was hurting but not about what he was doing. "I want a divorce Jiho." He said with finality and didn't glance back when he exited the house.

\---

"Jinki!" Kibum pulled him into a hug when he answered his door and his friend of many years stood there. "When did you get back?"

Jinki smiled as he returned the hug. "Earlier this morning." When he was let in he greeted his old college roommate as the tall man was playing one of his many video games. Jinki laughed when Minho only paused it briefly to give him a quick half-hug.

Kibum sat next to his husband on the loveseat as Jinki took a seat in the armchair. "What brings you here? Did you leave Jiho?" he held back what he really wanted to say. Jinki had told them what happened the night he found out himself. Kibum had asked if he needed a place to stay but the older man was already hours away on his way to his hometown. The Choi's have spoken to Jinki a few times in the last months but just inquiries on how he was holding up or when he was going to return.. they got dismal answers each time.

"Yes."

Kibum exhaled, "Oh thank god." Minho scoffed at his husband's reaction. "What? I was holding my tongue in case you took her back, but as much as I may have enjoyed her before.. you're like family and she doesn't deserve you after what she did."

"Breathe, babe, breathe." Minho joked while still playing his game.

"No, I uh.. I gave her the divorce papers. I'm not angry anymore, but I cant be with her either.. but hey I came here not just to see you guys but to ask if I could crash here for the night.. I'm really sick of hotels."

"Sure, why just the night though?"

"I have to go back to my hometown, there something I left.. well someone."

Kibum's brows furrowed, "Who?"

"My bestfriend."

"This is the first time I'm hearing of a bestfriend."

Jinki smiled and shook his head. He tried not to look at Kibum too long, he didn't need the other knowing everything just yet.

Kibum noticed Jinki's different behavior, he'd known Jinki too long not to notice. "Is there more? Something you're not telling me?" 

Jinki tried to suppress his smile at the thought of Jonghyun but failed miserably. He sighed defeatedly, "I fell in love."

Kibum's eye's widened and even Minho paused the game to look at Jinki.

"W- what?" Kibum tried to spit out. "Not to dismiss your feelings but.. you were gone for 3 months, is that.. enough time to 'fall in love'? Especially since you were separated from your wife AND going through heart break."

This is why Jinki didn't want to say anything to them yet. He'd planned on him and Jonghyun being together, getting to know one another even more for a while. Then long after Jinki was divorced and Jonghyun was comfortable with it, Jinki would introduce him to his friends. He sighed, "I fell in love okay? Not something you can help regardless of the situation. As for 3 months not being enough, it's my best friend. Someone I've known my whole life."

Kibum and Minho shared a look. Key was speechless, he didn't know where to begin. He was grateful when Minho cleared his throat and spoke up.   
"So.. who's the lucky lady?" Minho asked and was confused when Jinki laughed.

"HIS name is Jonghyun." Jinki smiled as he waited for what he just said to register. He laughed when it appeared the married couple understood at the same time.

Kibum was even more confused now and almost shouted, "Tell me everything."

\---

Jinki sat at the island in the Choi's kitchen as he watched the couple bicker while the older of the two prepared dinner. Kibum had turned towards the pan to stir the food inside while he nagged at Minho for cutting the vegetables too big. Jinki laughed when Minho rolled his eyes behind the others back and turned to stand behind him, bringing his arms around to cover Key's mouth. Kibum elbowed his husband playfully and the taller man moved his hands from Kibum's mouth to wrap them around the shorter man's middle. While looking at the happy couple, Jinki couldn't help the giddiness he felt that he'd soon see Jonghyun again. Even if the latter didn't want to be with him, Jinki would take him away from that hellhole all means necessary. Luckily, Kibum and Minho had excepted his feelings for his old friend after hearing how he spent his 'vacation.' They even suggested the pair could stay with them at their home until Jinki found a new place. His cell phone vibrating in his pocket brought him out of his thoughts.

Leaning against his husbands front while continuing to stir the food, Kibum whipped his head towards the other in the room when a loud 'What?' came from the older man's mouth. The worried look on Jinki's face made Kibum put the pan to the side and turn off the fire. "What is it Jinki?" he whispered. The older man simply put up a finger indicating for him to hold on.

"Which hospital?" Jinki asked his mother on the other line.

Kibum's brows shot up and Minho's arms fell from around him. Jinki slowly lowered his phone and pressed at the screen to end the call. He looked far away when his eyes locked with Kibum's.

"He.. Eric- I have to go."

Kibum watched as the other rushed out of the room and hastily followed after him. "Wait Jinki, you're frantic right now."

"He's in the hospital Kibum!"

"I know," Key grabbed the keys out of Jinki's hand and put them in his pocket. "I'll drive. Your car is only a two-seater so we'll take ours. Minho, are you coming."

The taller man was already putting his jacket on. "Yes, let's go."

\---

Jinki looked over at the sleeping pair. Kibum was laying across Minho's lap as they slept on the sofa in the hospital room. The small man laying on the bed was breathing softly as the machine beside him was the only sound in the room. By the time the trio made it, it was mid-day and the hospital staff informed Jinki about how the injured man had made it all the way to the lobby on foot and just collapsed. They didn't know what happened or who he was, but he had a photo on him of a young Mrs. Lee, Jinki, and Jonghyun that led them to find the older woman to identify him. No arrests had been made, but it was clearly an assault.

Jinki stewed as he sat, clutching Jonghyun's hand. It was bruised as well, most likely from fighting back. Jinki felt like such an idiot. He shouldn't have allowed this to go on despite the younger man's pleas and he definitely shouldn't have left him here. He just figured it would be more appropriate to break it off with Jiho before letting Jonghyun know he wanted to be with him.

Jinki sighed as he squeezed the unresponsive hand once more. He definitely felt he was to blame.. but there was only one who was truly at fault. Jinki slowly let go of the hand and looked over at the sleeping Choi's before he stood. Walked out of the hospital room with one purpose.

'I'm going to kill him.'

\---

Jonghyun's eyes were closed but he could hear an unrecognizable shrill voice. He wondered why he felt so sluggish, but then recalled everything. He'd told Eric he was leaving him, the shouts, the fists, kicks.. it was so much. It hurt so much, but Jonghyun was proud. For the first time in his life he fought back. Even if it didn't affect the other as physically as it did him, he was free.

"I'm serious you twit! You're lucky I bailed you out.. I should've left you in there for being so stupid."

"Oh please, as if you'd leave your best friend in jail."

There was a voice Jonghyun recognized! It took everything in him to do so, but he fought to open his eyes and when he did the first thing he saw was his best friend. A gasp escaped from someone to his side and that brought Jinki's attention to him.

"Jjongie." Jinki breathed as he rushed to his side.

His voice cracked and it hurt to speak, but Jonghyun responded. "Jin gie?" 

The older man smiled softly and brought a hand up to run softly through Jonghyun's hair. "Hey." he cooed.

"W- what.." Jonghyun wanted to ask why he was here but the slight bruise on Jinki's eye and the large cut on his bottom lip caught his attention. "What happened to you?"

Jinki huffed. "You should see the other guy." When the younger man's eyebrows furrowed, Jinki continued. "I couldn't let him get away with what he did to you."

Jonghyun's heart fluttered. How sweet. "You idiot." 

"Oh, I like him already." Kibum laughed. "I'm Kibum by the way."

"I know, I've uh.. heard a lot about you actually."

"Oh?" Key smiled to Jinki before turning back to the man on the bed. "I've heard a lot about you too."

Jonghyun returned the smile shyly.

"I'm Minho." The tall man interjected. "Key's husband and Jinki's old roommate from college- but uh.. you probably already know that too right?" Minho felt bashful when the small man nodded and smiled, clearly amused.

"Babe.. let's give them some privacy yeah?" Kibum suggested to Minho and the taller man nodded before the couple said their goodbyes.

Jonghyun scooted over to allow room for Jinki to sit partially on the small hospital bed. The older man sat down facing Jonghyun with one leg still touching the floor. "I was so scared when my mom told me what happened."

"And you rushed all the way back.. for me?"

"Of course I did."

Jonghyun's heart swelled until he remembered their situation. "J- Jiho didn't mind you leaving again.. especially so soon?" He asked hesitantly while looking away. When he didn't get a response, Jonghyun looked back to see Jinki staring at him with an unreadable expression. "W- what?"

"I was already planning on coming back to get you."

"What-"

"I'm divorcing her."

Jonghyun's eyes widened, he felt so elated. If Jinki was free then they could be together? Jonghyun almost smiled until the thought that he was a homewrecker popped into his head.

Jinki watched Jonghyun's expression change and understood. He quickly tried to console him, "Whatever you're thinking, stop it. It's not your fault. She cheated on me." The younger man looked at him with startled eyes. "It's true Jongie. That's why I came back home. I had to 'clear my head' to see if I could forgive her after the affair. I probably would have partially if-" Jinki cleared his throat and touched his hand to Jonghyun's folded ones, "If I had not fallen for someone else."

Jonghyun's brows trembled and his vision became blurry. "You love me?"

Jinki's heart squeezed at the small man's vulnerable expression. He leaned down and softly kissed Jonghyun's lips. When he pulled back he laughed and whispered against them, "Yes Jonghyun. I love you." He brought his hand up to cradle the side of Jjong's head, "And I'm going to take you away from this retched place. You don't have a choice." He laughed and sat up. "Even if you don't want to be with me, I still want to get you away from this town. Far away."

Jonghyun shook his head. "Are you an actual idiot?" At Jinki's startled expression Jonghyun smiled, "How could I not want to be with you?" With much effort Jonghyun sat upright and pulled Jinki to him. "You're the best thing in my life. I'll never let you go now, never again. So be sure before yo-" He didn't get to finish as Jinki crashed their mouths together. It wasn't as passionate as their last kiss but not as timid at their first. Jonghyun jumped slightly when Jinki hissed. He pulled away to see Jinki licking at the cut in his lip. "We should stop." He said while eyeing the now bleeding gash.

"C'mon, it doesn't even hurt that bad." Jinki pouted while leaning in once again. Jonghyun's heart fluttered and he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. If this was just the beginning, he had so much more happiness to come.

"Well isn't this cute."

Jonghyun and Jinki paused still looking at each other. The younger man instantly recognized that voice and his injured body started to tremble remembering the beating it took not too long ago. He could see the man in his peripheral over Jinki's shoulder, but he didn't move his eyes from his new love's. 

"Is this why you wanted to leave me Yunnie?"

Jinki finally had enough and looked over his shoulder at the last person he wanted Jonghyun to ever see again. "Back for more Eric? Was last time not good enough?"

At that remark, Jonghyun finally decided to look at his ex and when he did he had to withhold a gasp. Jinki was right when he said he should 'see the other guy'.. Jonghyun had never seen Eric in this state. He'd yet to see himself, but he couldn't imagine Eric looking any less battered. He was torn between reveling about Eric's pain- the main could barely stand up right, using the doorway to support himself- and being surprised that Jinki was capable of such a feat. 

Eric scoffed and pushed aside the anger bubbling in his middle. He had something he needed to say first. "I came to talk."

"Piss off."

Jinki laughed at Eric's shocked expression when Jonghyun spouted those words. He could see the taller man's eye twitch.

"I think it's something you'll be quite interest in.. Unless you want your new beau to go to jail."

"Don't listen to him Jongie."

Jonghyun glared at Eric. "Continue."

"I won't press charges.." Eric smiled spitefully at the youngest man, "If you don't."

Jinki stood up abruptly, "Forget it. This is what you came here to say? Fuck off Eric. You've caused him too much pain for it to be swept under the rug. You need to pay for what you've done asshole."

"Jinki," Jonghyun voiced softly. When the older man looked back at him Jonghyun smiled. He straightened his face out when he looked back to Eric. "How do I know that you'll hold up your end of the deal? This doesn't seem like you to negotiate."

Eric sighed heavily in annoyance. "My father called. He doesn't want a scandal."

Jonghyun smiled bitterly at him and shook his head, 'unbelievable' he thought. "Fine. We won't press charges if you don't, but I don't want to see or speak to you EVER again."

Jinki walked over to Jonghyun's bed, "Baby we don't have to do this. I don't care about fines, community service, or whatever."

Jonghyun's heart leapt at the pet name and he ignored the third-wheel's exasperated scoff and eyeroll. "But what if you get jail time? And your job would find out.. It's not worth it Jinki." The older man still didn't look convinced to Jonghyun continued. "I just want to leave as soon as we can and never look back."

Jinki melted, who could say no to those puppy dog eyes anyway. He smiled and sighed softly before hardening his eyes and looking at Eric. The older man was glaring at him and Jinki returned it before nodding once. He watched as Eric's shoulders relaxed slightly and the taller man looked at Jonghyun one more time before leaving. Jinki still felt like the batterer was getting let off too easily, but right now all that mattered was making Jonghyun happy. He turned and walked back to his love, bringing his hand up and using the back of it to caress Jonghyun's cheek softly. The smaller man nuzzled against it bringing a smile to Jinki's face. 'The quicker we leave, the better.' he thought.

\---

The two couples left as soon as Jonghyun was discharged. The younger didn't even want to go to his former house to pack anything and Jinki didn't fight him on it. The whole car ride was spent by the oldest admiring Jonghyun as he admired his new surroundings.

 

The conversation at dinner their first night staying with the Choi's was a little quiet until Kibum pointed out how insane the beaten up pair looked. Once the ice was broken, all four fell into a comfortable conversation and Jonghyun felt the lightest he'd ever been.

 

Seeing Jonghyun walk into the guest bedroom they were staying in wearing his clothes did things to Jinki he never thought possible. Jonghyun looked a little bashful and his still drying hair made Jinki's heart race. "Come here." the older man whispered and Jonghyun quickened his pace as he went to lay at his side. Jinki looked down at his shirt on the smaller man's body and tugged on it slightly, "We'll get you your own tomorrow okay?"

Jonghyun craned his head up and pecked Jinki's lips, "Okay. I don't mind sleeping in your clothes though." He giggled.

Jinki smiled at the sound and kissed him again. When Jonghyun deepened it, Jinki pulled away. "Not so fast," he said raggedly. "We're going to take our time."

"Oh?" Jonghyun smiled as he dragged his hand down Jinki's body.

Jinki stopped the hands movement, "That's now what I meant. I mean.. we're going to take it slow. We're both just getting out of relationships, in fact my divorce has yet to be finalized. So until then and until I know we're ready.. We won't take the next step."

Jonghyun look up at him and furrowed his brows, "Do you want me to kill you?"

The serious look he was getting made Jinki chuckle, "I'm serious Jongie. I want everything to be perfect, I want us to be perfect."

"That doesn't matter to me, I want you."

Jinki closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. "I want to be divorced. I want you to be healthier. I would like to make love for the first time in our own place Jonghyun. I- I just want to do right by you."

Jonghyun pouted but internally melted. "You're right. We shouldn't rush into things huh?"

Jinki laughed and pulled Jonghyun to his chest before pulling the blankets over both of them. "We can still kiss." He teased.

"Yay." Jonghyun faked-cheered, but he did a total 180 when Jinki's lips met his. When the kiss deepened, Jonghyun couldn't help but moan. A thought popped into his head as he rolled on top of Jinki.. If the older man was set on abstinence, Jonghyun would just have to make it all the more difficult for Jinki to keep that vow.

Jinki felt Jonghyun smile and pulled away to see how mischievous the other was looking, "What is it?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing.. Just, I love you Jingie."

Jinki smiled and wrapped his arms around Jonghyun's shoulders. "I love you too Jongie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sad or wut :'{ I am lol
> 
> Thank you all <3
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ** I hope everyone understood that the first part was a flashback and that leads into Jinki returning home after spending 3 months with Jjong. **

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: okersz tell me what you think :) Angsty right?! I hope so lol
> 
> (P.s. I'm so sleepy right now :r )


End file.
